Day 3: Hustle and Bustle and Christmas Time

Day 3 (12/23/10)

Today was filled with last minute Christmas shopping,w hich I honestly hardly ever need to do. Even though, or perhaps because I am a broke college student, I for some reason feel like it is a small step toward adulthood to begin buying most everyone Christmas presents of my own instead of letting my parents pick out stuff that I slap my name on. The only problem? Part of my family is just ridiculously hard to buy for! You know those people, the ones who would be happy with anything but not really because they are a little picky so you want to get them just the right thing.


Well... yeah, my day was spent shopping for those people. And despite some extreme traffic and frustration (which I solved with Christmas music on the radio), it all got done. The wrapping is finished and all under the tree. my mom and I even got to watch Love Actually for the first time - which is, in fact, a great movie once you get past the odd beginning.

Day 3:

- Joy of picking out the perfect gift

- Wrapping gifts for under the tree

- Seeing a room filled with love and warmth

Also on Day 3, Contacts transferred to my new purple phone, quality time with Mom, curling ribbon, watching stories about children in love, and knowing that we have almost survived the year!

Day 2: Reunion

Day 2 (12/22/10)

My adventure dealt a lot with my step-grandfather, Papa, being in the hospital. He has an infection that could be affecting him because of the lymphoma he was diagnosed with last week. Hopefully he will be home again before Christmas.

However, after the struggles with hospitals and doctors, I was able to go see the little girl, Sarah, that I worked with last summer. She was so excited to have me there and be around her. Her childlikenjoy in every small thing reminds of how much true good there is in life that we ignore.

Day 2:

-A child's love

-Endless smiles

-The Princess and the Frog

Day One: My Excellent Adventure Begins

Subtitled: Beating Teen Pregnancy



Preface: A few years ago, I heard of a group people that set out to take one picture every day that captured the essence of their daily journey. At first, I scoffed and probably said something along the lines of "Yeah - that won't last very long. There wil be like dozens of pictures of the same things!" And then I jsut sort of let it go for a while. And then came my sophomore year of college. And I, the person usually advocating for slowing down and enjoying life, stopped taking her own medicine. And then it was gone - an entire semester full of uphill battles, and stress, and struggles... and laughter... and love... and hope. And I realized that I was losing my ability to remember the good things about this life and I panicked. For some reason, when I went running back to God that night - as we tend to do when things fall apart, this memory of these people came back. I bounced the idea off of several people and they mostly scoffed.


But here I am. It is my 20th birthday today and I have decided that this is where it starts. So every day for the next 365 days, I will take one, or multiple photographs each day representing the good in my life. If you follow this, you will begin this journey with me.


I am sorry if some days are tedious, lackluster, sad, or angry - but those days happen sometimes. However, rest assured, that this is an attempt for me to re-awaken to the beauty in this world. I am starting this journey and you are more than welcome to come along.



Day One: My rewards for beating teen pregnancy and making it half-way to 40 include the following items
-A gemstone embellished picture frame
-A white and turquoise homemade bracelet
-A beautiful gold ribbon because sometimes the wrapping says it all


Also on Day One: a ticket to Black Swan, one glove/mitten combo set, one set of pinking shears, two new nostril screws, a pair of earrings to match the bracelet in picture above, a DSW gift card, twenty dollars cash, Snowman with Sunglasses socks, a bracelet from a Fair Trade Market, multiple ridiculously goofy cards, and an infinite amount of love and joy from the people that fill my life.

The Secret

For centuries, the human race has been plagued by a continual battle. The battle is the Battle of the Sexs. I know it sounds ridiculous but lately, this concept has just got me thinking about how pretty much everything functions.

So, guys, listen up. Because I am only going to type this once. The secret to understanding girls and winning this ridiculous "battle" is knowing (drumroll, please) that women have absolutely no clue what they want. And if they tell you that they do, what they want is probably not what is best for them. Women have admitted before and men have heard it before.

But seriously. Please think about this. I have talked to most of my closest girls about it for years and they will all agree. We have no freaking clue what we want. I am not saying that to confuse you or mislead you or play a joke.

Every woman has a jumble of things that compose her and for the most part, these "ingredients," so to speak, are the same for every woman. The difference is the ratio. Just like you have the same basic ingredients that make cookies. Every recipe, the majority of the time, uses the basuc foundational ingredients: flour, sugar, butter, eggs, salt, etc., etc.,. The interesting thing is that every recipe is a little different. Or even if you use the same recipe twice, you rarely get a batch of cookies that ever come out tasting the same. It's just the way cookies work. It's just the way women work.


SO on days when you want to pull your hair out or hit someone or break something over a woman, please remember this secret. It may bring you more trouble than it's worth... but I hope that on those days you can remember reading this secret or hearing it from someone else and know that we are just as confused and frustrated as you.


Soundtrack: Bitch by Meredith Brooks, Semi-Charmed Life by Third Eye Blind, Unwell by Matchbox Twenty

The Poet

Here is the link to an article about my new favorite author!

http://kodanshatimes.blogspot.com

Can I Sit With You Awhile?

I don't know what this will end up being. I don't particularly have any more motivation to sit here and write tonight than I have had any other night for the past three weeks. Every night has been full with this same buzzing anxiety and dread and brokenness. I don't expect things to change after I sit here and pound out this message. I may not even actually post this. But I feel so pent up and so lost in my thoughts that studying for my midterm that takes place in T minus 11 hours just isn't going to happen.

Our world is so full of contradictions. Has anyone else noticed that? We live in a world where money is happiness but no one is happy. We live in a global community where we coexist with others from virtually every background and we are more stuck in our ways than ever. We value family and we value the person who shuns family to achieve success. We preserve nature so we can remember "the way things were" and tear it down to forget the past. We want to solve everyone's problems but we don't see our own. We see the need for love but refuse to be the love.

I am baffled. Where do we stand? Where are we supposed to stand?

Virtually every person that I hold dear to my heart has been hurt in the past month by others, by themselves, by accidents. I know that this is the least cohesive entry I have ever written... I do. But all these thoughts are running a million miles and hour and I can't slow down. How does it happen that within my small network of people, so much hurt exists? And not a single person slows down to try to fix the problem? We all acknowledge the problem but we all assume that the problem will be resolved later. I wil get sleep... later. I will get counseling... later. I will restore my friendhsips... later. I will say goodbye to my loved ones... later. I will stop beating myself up...later.

Can we just freaking wake up and fix a problem? I don't even care which one anymore! I just want to see one person slow down and realize that later might not be there. For a lot of people, they never get later.

I am just as guilty of all of these as the next person. Sleep, health, destressing, homework, heart to hearts - it will all come when I have time. But when do I ever make time?

I don't. Plain and simple. I don't make time. And it's a problem.

The essay that I am supposed to be brainstorming and outlining for at the present moment is an essay on the accessability of "virtue" as defined by Alasdair MacIntyre - don't worry, I have no clue who he is. But basically, MacIntyre surmises that "virtue" is what is found to be necessary in our quest for "the good life." So, at one in the morning, instead of applying this to the Arthurian tale of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, I am going to pause and actually put something I learned to use.

Virtue 1) Patience: This probably does not shock you in the slightest. Nevertheless, I am going to say it because no one seems to be getting what I am saying. To achieve what I see as "the good life," (and this will look different for everyone), we need to have some patience. We need it with ourselves because we aren't perfect. We need it with others because they aren't perfect either. We also need to remember that hurriedness and frustration and impatience only cut us off building healthy and loving relationships with the people we love.

Virtue 2) Resignation: Now I can almost guarantee that you did not see that coming. But, seriously. Think about it for a second. We become either overly concerned with problems, ours or anothers. On the flip side, we become overly convinced that everyone else will deal with our problems and that there is nothing we can do about it. Both are resignation at polar extremes. This is bad - but resignation in moderation is a virtue. Resign yourself to the fact that no matter how hard you work, how little you care, how much you invested, how little you want back - things won't go your way 100% of the time. Don't stress yourself over stuff that can't be helped, but remember to stress about the things that will make a difference. Another oxymoron - surprise, surprise.

Virtue 3) Empathy. This virtue is perhaps most important of all. "The good life" has to be a life where we don't necessarily agree with everyone but we definitely need to understand everyone. Ignorance is bliss is a great philosophy but an idealist one that only holds true once in a blue moon. We can't be ignorant to the problems around us and the tension that exists in this world because otherwise, we won't be able to fight for what we believe. Empathy opens pathways for clearer and more efficient communication. That sounds slightly robotic but it honestly isn't. Clear communication helps us appeal to truer emotions so that we not only gain an understanding of perspective but also of the human heart.

I know that this blog entry has been a hot mess - but it is all I can write. My head and my heart are overflowing. This is my word vomit of the week. Part two might come later. Thanks for reading and please take the time to think about the virtues in your life.

The Space Between the Rocks

Life is changing. I know it, you know it, we all know it. Look around you and compare it to things you remember from yesterday, or a year ago, or a decade ago. How much do you recognize?

I don't recognize much. Winn-Dixie and the fascinating lobster tank are gone. The horse pastures are covered with million dollar homes, new schools, and chain food restaurants. My pre-school is gone, donated to the fire department to be used as rescue practice. The pond we went to for in-school field trips has been filled in. Simon's Apothecary is hanging on by a thread. And I am starting to realize that I am very NOT okay with these changes.

In fact, these changes are the most awful form of torture ever invented. And it sucks. Because it shows me that our society isn't dedicated to the long-term anymore. We are solely dedicated to what works now - this instant - even when we know that it will quit working with another blink of an eye.

And it breaks my heart because I feel myself giving in to this culture. I feel myself becoming someone who takes the easy road - whether that is faking a smile or whining constantly or running away - I feel that urge to give in.

This is an issue.

Christ does not call us to take the easy road or the road of comfort. If we live life in comfort, how do we ever find the afflicted? How do we help the people in this world that need to be reached the most? I am a firm believer that, not for everyone, but, personally, Christ has called me to become uncomfortable in my faith and in my life.

But to be completely honest, I have no freaking clue where to start. And I don't feel worthy. The past few days I have learned that I have a naturally jealous personality and, as you can probably imagine, it is not a very reassuring thing to learn about one's self. But I have no idea where to start to fix the problem. My natural reaction is to want to talk but that is wanting to be at the center and I know that I can't continue to feed that need. But then where do I draw help? Or, don't I draw help?

Until I have an answer, I will continue to try to solve this alone... and yet, I know that to live God's love is not to isolate myself. How do we seek love and support in isolation?

I am sorry for the melancholy entry - but nothing in this world makes sense to me right now and this is the only way I know to deal with it.

Living all alone

In this space between the rocks

Far from the city,

Here, where no noe can see me,

I shall give myself to grief.

~Saigyo