Can I Sit With You Awhile?

I don't know what this will end up being. I don't particularly have any more motivation to sit here and write tonight than I have had any other night for the past three weeks. Every night has been full with this same buzzing anxiety and dread and brokenness. I don't expect things to change after I sit here and pound out this message. I may not even actually post this. But I feel so pent up and so lost in my thoughts that studying for my midterm that takes place in T minus 11 hours just isn't going to happen.

Our world is so full of contradictions. Has anyone else noticed that? We live in a world where money is happiness but no one is happy. We live in a global community where we coexist with others from virtually every background and we are more stuck in our ways than ever. We value family and we value the person who shuns family to achieve success. We preserve nature so we can remember "the way things were" and tear it down to forget the past. We want to solve everyone's problems but we don't see our own. We see the need for love but refuse to be the love.

I am baffled. Where do we stand? Where are we supposed to stand?

Virtually every person that I hold dear to my heart has been hurt in the past month by others, by themselves, by accidents. I know that this is the least cohesive entry I have ever written... I do. But all these thoughts are running a million miles and hour and I can't slow down. How does it happen that within my small network of people, so much hurt exists? And not a single person slows down to try to fix the problem? We all acknowledge the problem but we all assume that the problem will be resolved later. I wil get sleep... later. I will get counseling... later. I will restore my friendhsips... later. I will say goodbye to my loved ones... later. I will stop beating myself up...later.

Can we just freaking wake up and fix a problem? I don't even care which one anymore! I just want to see one person slow down and realize that later might not be there. For a lot of people, they never get later.

I am just as guilty of all of these as the next person. Sleep, health, destressing, homework, heart to hearts - it will all come when I have time. But when do I ever make time?

I don't. Plain and simple. I don't make time. And it's a problem.

The essay that I am supposed to be brainstorming and outlining for at the present moment is an essay on the accessability of "virtue" as defined by Alasdair MacIntyre - don't worry, I have no clue who he is. But basically, MacIntyre surmises that "virtue" is what is found to be necessary in our quest for "the good life." So, at one in the morning, instead of applying this to the Arthurian tale of Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, I am going to pause and actually put something I learned to use.

Virtue 1) Patience: This probably does not shock you in the slightest. Nevertheless, I am going to say it because no one seems to be getting what I am saying. To achieve what I see as "the good life," (and this will look different for everyone), we need to have some patience. We need it with ourselves because we aren't perfect. We need it with others because they aren't perfect either. We also need to remember that hurriedness and frustration and impatience only cut us off building healthy and loving relationships with the people we love.

Virtue 2) Resignation: Now I can almost guarantee that you did not see that coming. But, seriously. Think about it for a second. We become either overly concerned with problems, ours or anothers. On the flip side, we become overly convinced that everyone else will deal with our problems and that there is nothing we can do about it. Both are resignation at polar extremes. This is bad - but resignation in moderation is a virtue. Resign yourself to the fact that no matter how hard you work, how little you care, how much you invested, how little you want back - things won't go your way 100% of the time. Don't stress yourself over stuff that can't be helped, but remember to stress about the things that will make a difference. Another oxymoron - surprise, surprise.

Virtue 3) Empathy. This virtue is perhaps most important of all. "The good life" has to be a life where we don't necessarily agree with everyone but we definitely need to understand everyone. Ignorance is bliss is a great philosophy but an idealist one that only holds true once in a blue moon. We can't be ignorant to the problems around us and the tension that exists in this world because otherwise, we won't be able to fight for what we believe. Empathy opens pathways for clearer and more efficient communication. That sounds slightly robotic but it honestly isn't. Clear communication helps us appeal to truer emotions so that we not only gain an understanding of perspective but also of the human heart.

I know that this blog entry has been a hot mess - but it is all I can write. My head and my heart are overflowing. This is my word vomit of the week. Part two might come later. Thanks for reading and please take the time to think about the virtues in your life.