Addictions

The roads are busy enough to provide distraction, snowy enough to prove dangerous, and just dark enough that I can hide behind the wheel and avoid the stares of other drivers. You see, driving the highways and the backroads, alone, with the music up, that's where I can think. Sitting right there, weaving through traffic, rounding the curves of Kentucky roads - that's where I talk to God and often where God talks to me.

On Sunday, a sort of epiphany came to me on the way home after church. I am sure I was beating myself over something foolish when I promised myself that it was going to change - it was. Just then, God waved His hand in front of my face. It hit me how many times I have made this promise in the past few years.

Making promises is an addiction for me - and an awful one at that. Many times I promise things, lightheartedly, and never follow through. I know this is a bad thing but I can't seem to stop because the other addiction of mine which runs hand-in-hand is my addiction to try to please everyone. Both are very annoying, very irrational, and very impossible addictions to deal with.

I have, for now however, decided that trying to fix these silly addictions is pointless and will end in nothing but frustration. Usually when I promise myself that I am going to stop doing something, I repeatedly beat myself up - over and over and over again. As I can clearly see, though, this strategy has clearly not been helping. And thus, from this day forward I will stop focusing on my flaws and silly addictions and simply be content with the life around me.

*Sigh* Another promise... Yes, I know. The point is though, that we all have our faults, we all succumb to the ideals that we think society creates, and we all have addictions. If you think I am wrong, please feel free to tell me. I most certainly do not object to looking at things from a new perspective. But I feel that if we all truly examine ourselves, our behaviors, our patterns - we will see something in us that doesn't change. For most of us, these are things we wish would go away. Unfortunatelyyyyyyyy - they won't.

But, unless I miss my guess, that is the point. We are all created with something that is a blessing in disguise. It is our choice to view it as a gift or curse and to use it to our advantage or our misery. Christ knows we are flawed and we always will be. But embracing who we are, success and failure, beauty and flaw - and being content knowing we are who we are for a reason - that is what makes us God's children.

Tonight, I am afraid that I don't have a playlist for you. I want you to find your own music, your own dreams, and your own realities. Don't let music be a cover tonight - let it be a window and let yourself look outside.