I am hurt -and somewhat shocked. No I retract that statement. I am not shocked at all. I have never been the best judge of character and I give away my heart way too easily. AM I the only one in this world who was taught to love whole heartedly? Am I the only one, who albeit fights her trust issues every day, gives away her heart way too early? Do I want to get hurt???
I apologize for this rant. I want to apologize for being in love... but I cannot. I was in love with someone who wasn't there. Or maybe someone who was there and didn't want my help.
Today's lesson: Life throws curveballs and lots of them. But that's no reason to quit the game. Although, right now, there is nothing in the world that I would rather do than quit - or curl up and cry - or get mad at myself (but that never turns out very well). Chin up, right? Keep on walking - with a big, fake, plastic smile on my face. Hold it together for the people around me.
Should I even try anymore? Is there any guy out there at all who will accept me for who I am and quit walking all over me or lying to me??? It's always one or the other. I have always believed that there is that one someone out there for - but maybe I was all wrong. Maybe I was meant to be an old spinster who lives in a croooked house away from all of society and raises cats and whose highlight of the year is handing out candy to all the little kids - little kids that I never had.
Right now I am hadning over the wheel - again. Only God knows how to drive me out of this mess and make me whole again. He's the only one I can trust anymore to take care of me.
If there is anyone out there in the world right now, reading this, who loves someone with their whole heart- don't be shy about it. Scream it from the mountain tops or from the depths of the sea because someday you will find The One and you can't go running scared because once upon a time someone hurt you. Once upon a time you realized you had the power to break someone and did. Open up your hearts for goodness' sake and let someone in. All you are doing is hurting yourself. I pray for everyone out there who has ever been looked down upon for speaking their mind and for those who are to afraid of rejection if they speak theirs. But mostly, my prayers go out to all the people in the world who are afraid to risk their own happiness because they are afraid of love. If you haven't read it before I suggest checking out I Corinthians 13:4-8. This is what love is and accept nothing less nito your life.
To quote Mr.Ray: "Pain heals, glory lasts forever." Think about it. You will forget the pain eventually, but the good times - may you never forget the good times.
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