As I near the end of college, I find that life is more often about the things we don't understand, rather than the ones we do. No matter how much education exists in the world, and no matter how much time we spend pursuing it - there will always be topics that we haven't covered, there will always be levels we haven't thought of. Today, I found one that has been lurking and hovering in the back of my mind for years.
As of this afternoon, the Minnesota House passed a bill that will potentially legalize gay marriage. For anyone who knows my faith, you might expect one reaction. For those who know my political affiliations, they might expect another.
Why?
For the record, I am thrilled. It makes my heart so happy that so many people that I love are one step closer to being able to be legally married in the state of Minnesota. And that's where the "but" comes in.
I am so tired and frustrated of seeing the people that I love torn apart by political and religious beliefs. What is the greatest commandment? Love thy neighbor. What I don't understand is why I have friends telling me that I am failing my faith by wanting my friends to be able to enjoy the same political freedom that I enjoy. What I don't understand is why I am supposed to want to restrict their freedom. It might seem simple, elementary, and ignorant of me - but if God gave us free will, why are we trying to limit the free will of others?
What I don't understand is why people equate religious marriage with political marriage. What I don't understand is why we are trying to restrict someone's social rights because of a sexuality that they didn't choose. What I don't understand is what is driving all of us to prove that we are right!
I one hundred and ten percent include myself in that. Aren't you tired of trying to be right? Aren't you tired of fighting to keep other people from their happy ending? Aren't you tired yet?
I am tired of trying to figure it out. I am tired of seeing hate well up between people who are ALL part of God's creation. I am tired of people trying to point out the sins of others while turning a blind eye to their own. I am tired people weighing sin - as if it were possible or our job to do in the first place.
Regardless of where you stand on this issue, I love and respect you. If you think you can answer my questions, please feel free to try. All I ask is that you be respectful and keep in mind that you are no better than any other child of God.
I love my God. And because I love my God, I love people. I want people to be able to have the same legal right to family.
What I don't understand is how keeping families from being together is showing love.
5.09.2013
4.01.2013
A Prayer for Ware and the Rest of the World
Yesterday, on the last day of March 2013, a NCAA Men's Elite Eight Basketball game was played at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis. It is a game that I honestly expect to go down in history. The game was between #1 seed Louisville Cardinals and #2 seed Duke Blue Devils.
At the most pivotal moment of this game, I was in a car driving south on a highway in Minnesota, returning from an afternoon of Easter celebration with one of my housemate's families. Instead of listening to the game via radio, we had Taylor Swift cranked up in effort to get her little sister to smile. I didn't realize that I was missing one of the most crucial moments of Louisville basketball.
If any of you are sports fans, you have probably read all about this story already. If you aren't, here is a brief synopsis: With 6:22 left in the first of the game, Kevin Ware, a sophomore guard for the team, jumped to challenge an outside shot made by one of the Duke players. As he landed, both his tibia and fibula broke, sending six inches of bone piercing through his skin. I didn't get to see these moments live but these accounts by broadcaster Robert Valvano and my uncle Andy Janning gave me a good sense of what the general reaction was. I went back and watched the video. After stifling my gag reflex, I watched as the cameras surrounding the court captured the awestruck faces of Duke players and the tears and prayers of our own Louisville boys. Now, if you read the two stories I linked above, you already know this, but in case you skipped over them, which is just fine, here is what is so amazing about the whole thing. The next two rounds of the March Madness tournament are to be played in Atlanta, GA - Kevin's hometown. As Kevin was lying on the ground in front of his own bench with six inches of bone sticking out of his body, he summoned his team around him and told them in cut and dry terms that he would be fine and that what they needed to do was to go win this game.
Going into halftime seven minutes later, Louisville was barely holding onto the lead with a measly three points. After half-time, something changed. The theme for the rest of the night, and probably for the rest of the tournament, became "Bring Kevin home."
And now comes the question that so many people have been asking and trying to understand: so what?
So what - athletes get injured all the time. So what - they now have some kind of poignant motivation. So what - he's just a sophomore.
Here's the "so what" for me: Last night, a boy who had every opportunity to live out his dream could have lost it all. We now know that Ware is expected to be fine and back up on his feet in about a year. But last night, in those breathtaking, confusing, knock-the-wind-out-of-you minutes, no one knew that. A 20-year-old college basketball player, well on his way to becoming a star for a nationally renowned team, lay on the floor with all of that potentially thrown out the window. And how did he react?
He encouraged others. He drew those who were scared, upset, repulsed, and distraught towards him and sent them away with encouragement and hope.
That's the "so what." I am currently in my final semester at a Christian school and I am in a course called "Christian leadership in the Secular World." We have read several books by Henri Nouwen, Ken Jennings, John Stahl-Wert, and Kathy Escobar. The books all focus on how we can lead by serving. One of the most common principles that is discussed using different phrases is the idea that we lead by putting ourselves last. Jennings/Stahl-Wert's book calls this principle "Upending the Pyramid." Nouwen calls it being a "wounded healer." Escobar refers to it as "diffusing power." - The point remains the same: we become better leaders when our own interests take last priority. When we give up the shell of certainty and self-protection that the world teaches us to value, and instead we seek out ways to be vulnerable risk-takers, that is when we are modeling the love of Christ to the world.
That is what Kevin Ware did yesterday while he was laying on the ground as an entire nation feared for him, his health, and his career. He pulled those who were most afraid near to him, and by default, pulled the entire nation into him, and at his most vulnerable moment, diffused his power by emboldening those around him to do great things.
In the last 24 hours, social media has exploded with the Prayer for Ware campaign.
At the most pivotal moment of this game, I was in a car driving south on a highway in Minnesota, returning from an afternoon of Easter celebration with one of my housemate's families. Instead of listening to the game via radio, we had Taylor Swift cranked up in effort to get her little sister to smile. I didn't realize that I was missing one of the most crucial moments of Louisville basketball.
If any of you are sports fans, you have probably read all about this story already. If you aren't, here is a brief synopsis: With 6:22 left in the first of the game, Kevin Ware, a sophomore guard for the team, jumped to challenge an outside shot made by one of the Duke players. As he landed, both his tibia and fibula broke, sending six inches of bone piercing through his skin. I didn't get to see these moments live but these accounts by broadcaster Robert Valvano and my uncle Andy Janning gave me a good sense of what the general reaction was. I went back and watched the video. After stifling my gag reflex, I watched as the cameras surrounding the court captured the awestruck faces of Duke players and the tears and prayers of our own Louisville boys. Now, if you read the two stories I linked above, you already know this, but in case you skipped over them, which is just fine, here is what is so amazing about the whole thing. The next two rounds of the March Madness tournament are to be played in Atlanta, GA - Kevin's hometown. As Kevin was lying on the ground in front of his own bench with six inches of bone sticking out of his body, he summoned his team around him and told them in cut and dry terms that he would be fine and that what they needed to do was to go win this game.
Going into halftime seven minutes later, Louisville was barely holding onto the lead with a measly three points. After half-time, something changed. The theme for the rest of the night, and probably for the rest of the tournament, became "Bring Kevin home."
And now comes the question that so many people have been asking and trying to understand: so what?
So what - athletes get injured all the time. So what - they now have some kind of poignant motivation. So what - he's just a sophomore.
Here's the "so what" for me: Last night, a boy who had every opportunity to live out his dream could have lost it all. We now know that Ware is expected to be fine and back up on his feet in about a year. But last night, in those breathtaking, confusing, knock-the-wind-out-of-you minutes, no one knew that. A 20-year-old college basketball player, well on his way to becoming a star for a nationally renowned team, lay on the floor with all of that potentially thrown out the window. And how did he react?
He encouraged others. He drew those who were scared, upset, repulsed, and distraught towards him and sent them away with encouragement and hope.
That's the "so what." I am currently in my final semester at a Christian school and I am in a course called "Christian leadership in the Secular World." We have read several books by Henri Nouwen, Ken Jennings, John Stahl-Wert, and Kathy Escobar. The books all focus on how we can lead by serving. One of the most common principles that is discussed using different phrases is the idea that we lead by putting ourselves last. Jennings/Stahl-Wert's book calls this principle "Upending the Pyramid." Nouwen calls it being a "wounded healer." Escobar refers to it as "diffusing power." - The point remains the same: we become better leaders when our own interests take last priority. When we give up the shell of certainty and self-protection that the world teaches us to value, and instead we seek out ways to be vulnerable risk-takers, that is when we are modeling the love of Christ to the world.
That is what Kevin Ware did yesterday while he was laying on the ground as an entire nation feared for him, his health, and his career. He pulled those who were most afraid near to him, and by default, pulled the entire nation into him, and at his most vulnerable moment, diffused his power by emboldening those around him to do great things.
In the last 24 hours, social media has exploded with the Prayer for Ware campaign.
I am very aware that many people that I am close with and that many who might even read this blog are not religious, let alone Christian. That's okay. I am not asking you to believe the same things I do or worship the way I do. I realize that the things about Christianity or faith in general that have hurt you may far outweigh the things that have helped you. No one is asking to to forget those things.
Here is what I am saying about my faith. Christianity is a call to live a radical lifestyle - one that many people, including Christians, aren't good at. But when the radical actions of believers are truly meant, the impacts are truly felt throughout the world. What I am learning this year is that we are not called to be leaders, but influencers. I have no idea where Kevin Ware is in his spiritual journey but I do know that his actions yesterday were radical. They were the kind of radical that Christ calls us to - a radicalism that dares to sacrifice the self for the hope of others. I know that his sphere of influence is proving to be much larger than he probably ever imagined.
And I know this: The basketball world is praying for Kevin Ware right now. I am praying for more Kevin Wares.
If you have any doubts about Christ's call to radicalism, I would ask you to consider something. After Kevin Ware spoke those words to his teammates, Louisville came back after half-time to win the game by 22 points. What do you think everyone would remember about yesterday if Ware had spent his time talking worrying about himself? What would the "so what" be?
10.31.2012
Growing a Rainforest
Sometimes I think that the number of tears I have cried since the end of summer must have been enough to water many, many large plants. Almost enough to have grown my own rainforest.
What a strange analogy, you might think. But, not really. You see, growing a rainforest takes years and lots of hydration and is one of the most complex ecosystems in the world. It contains many beautiful, rare, and God created things. The things that have all happened in the past few months have taken time. A girl I knew from college committed suicide. It takes time to get to that point and I know because I have been there. All of a sudden suicide is everywhere - and it took years for those people too. And then there are murders and manslaughters and OD's and crashes. They all had clocks running too. And it took time, not just for them personally, but for all those involved, physically or not. It took time for all our hearts to get to where they were the moment we heard. It took time for God and Satan to plan their moves.
It takes lots of hydration, which comes aplenty with seasons like these; seasons of both an overwhelming need and desire for God's goodness. I can't tell you how many tears I have poured out over the past few months and I am not even close to being among those who should be most affected by the loss of these amazing children. Not only are the tears important for they come out of a place of love, but they also contain nutrients. We think mostly of tears being salt. But the fact that it bears salt and water, among other things I am sure (not a scientist for a reason), is enough to speak to the role of nutrients in our walk with God. Rainforests are complex ecosystems with thousands and millions of components, water and salt included. I don't think it is even kind of a coincidence that our tears contain the ability to nourish other life. It is so incredibly poetic. And metaphorically, our emotional range and existence is just as complex as a rainforest.
As a result, our emotional lives, our rainforests, hold some of our most beautiful and rare moments with God. And they are so vital to being a part of who we are that these moments gain independent life. This life is what supports our ability to have faith, to recall God, to draw near to God, and to remember Him when we don't want to. Every time something bad has happened in the past few weeks, God has done something great. It doesn't mean that Satan stops trying but the memories of God's goodness holds power over my memories of darkness.
So right now, through all of it, the pain, suffering, quiet or loud, shared or alone, I can recognize that God is helping me grow my own rainforest; it will be my own spot with God, shaped, molded, and informed, by my relationship with God.
God, help me to remember the beauty of the rainforest and not the darkness that comes to scare me.
What a strange analogy, you might think. But, not really. You see, growing a rainforest takes years and lots of hydration and is one of the most complex ecosystems in the world. It contains many beautiful, rare, and God created things. The things that have all happened in the past few months have taken time. A girl I knew from college committed suicide. It takes time to get to that point and I know because I have been there. All of a sudden suicide is everywhere - and it took years for those people too. And then there are murders and manslaughters and OD's and crashes. They all had clocks running too. And it took time, not just for them personally, but for all those involved, physically or not. It took time for all our hearts to get to where they were the moment we heard. It took time for God and Satan to plan their moves.
It takes lots of hydration, which comes aplenty with seasons like these; seasons of both an overwhelming need and desire for God's goodness. I can't tell you how many tears I have poured out over the past few months and I am not even close to being among those who should be most affected by the loss of these amazing children. Not only are the tears important for they come out of a place of love, but they also contain nutrients. We think mostly of tears being salt. But the fact that it bears salt and water, among other things I am sure (not a scientist for a reason), is enough to speak to the role of nutrients in our walk with God. Rainforests are complex ecosystems with thousands and millions of components, water and salt included. I don't think it is even kind of a coincidence that our tears contain the ability to nourish other life. It is so incredibly poetic. And metaphorically, our emotional range and existence is just as complex as a rainforest.
As a result, our emotional lives, our rainforests, hold some of our most beautiful and rare moments with God. And they are so vital to being a part of who we are that these moments gain independent life. This life is what supports our ability to have faith, to recall God, to draw near to God, and to remember Him when we don't want to. Every time something bad has happened in the past few weeks, God has done something great. It doesn't mean that Satan stops trying but the memories of God's goodness holds power over my memories of darkness.
So right now, through all of it, the pain, suffering, quiet or loud, shared or alone, I can recognize that God is helping me grow my own rainforest; it will be my own spot with God, shaped, molded, and informed, by my relationship with God.
God, help me to remember the beauty of the rainforest and not the darkness that comes to scare me.
10.15.2012
Rediscovery
Today was a day of rediscovery.
I rediscovered the poem that I published on this blog once called All in Arms Reach.
And rediscovering that helped me rediscover the fact that I must have felt this way once before. Although, to tell you the truth, I am still not sure I believe it.
Readers, (joke, I know there are none), I have been gone from this blog for over a year. Actually, almost one year and one half exactly. In that time, I came out of a ridiculous amount of depression and let our Creator take over my life again. I joined a prayer ministry and kept juggling all of the hats that were already in my hand. And then, on top of it all, He called me to be in a relationship with a man that I had barely knew. So, scared, I trusted Him, and I fell hard.
And somewhere along the way, Readers, I started taking things for granted. I starting returning to the old me. The old me that loved to view everything as flawed or everything as perfect and me as flawed. In short, I started going through the motions of the relationships I had been in before because I didn't trust this one to be any different. And that was the most foolish thing I could have ever done. It was worse than peeing my pants trying to get to the bus in kindergarten and telling my friend who found me in the hall that it was really runny puke. It was more foolish than me thinking that as a 12 year old, I could successfully run away to California. It was more foolish than me sitting on the arm of a couch for over an hour in the middle of the night playing Red Light, Green Light with a spider that I was trying to trap. It was more foolish than me trying to make everyone my friend in high school by trying to hurt everyone. And those are some very foolish things.
It is much too long and personal a story to share online, Readers. I will spare you that. But I will say that I have spent the last ten months of my life learning how to love. But really - how to really love until the person that you love becomes a part of your view of family. I suppose I have felt this way with friends before. But there is something incredibly beautiful about learning the heart of someone so truly that you can't help but feel that you have always known them. Always known them. Like before-the-creation-of-time "always." And I think, Readers, no - I know that I did some stuff to screw it up. I lost God and myself and him. I just didn't realize it until now. It is really quite an interesting feeling when you finally discover that the relationship that you have been trying to run from is really the one that you would love to spend the rest of your life building.
And the funny part is, I have spent the last ten months of my life trying to avoid talking like that. Because the future is scary. Like really, genuinely, heart-stoppingly scary.
The even funnier part is that I let myself be scared when the God of the universe was really at my side the entire time. So while the past month or so has been one of the hardest of my life - it also hasn't been. As hackneyed as it may sound, God has truly been using me in the past month - to help me and to help others - maybe even to help him. I suppose that is something I might never know.
I laugh because we agreed to stay friends when what we really needed to do was agree to help each other, whatever that may mean. And honestly, Readers, I really feel inadequate to do that. I feel so inadequate because I need so much help to. How do I do this? How do I manage the close of the relationship that I never wanted to end (but knew that it had to, at least temporarily) and not come undone when every small thing anywhere reminds me of him?
I am not sure. If you have an answer, please, let me know. For right now, one step at a time.
Also, today I rediscovered that I love blogging. I love writing down what is in my heart and my head and my soul so that I can go back later and marvel at the things that God has taught me... because, believe me, I forget.
So, stay tuned, Readers. I am sure that I will check in soon.
I rediscovered the poem that I published on this blog once called All in Arms Reach.
And rediscovering that helped me rediscover the fact that I must have felt this way once before. Although, to tell you the truth, I am still not sure I believe it.
Readers, (joke, I know there are none), I have been gone from this blog for over a year. Actually, almost one year and one half exactly. In that time, I came out of a ridiculous amount of depression and let our Creator take over my life again. I joined a prayer ministry and kept juggling all of the hats that were already in my hand. And then, on top of it all, He called me to be in a relationship with a man that I had barely knew. So, scared, I trusted Him, and I fell hard.
And somewhere along the way, Readers, I started taking things for granted. I starting returning to the old me. The old me that loved to view everything as flawed or everything as perfect and me as flawed. In short, I started going through the motions of the relationships I had been in before because I didn't trust this one to be any different. And that was the most foolish thing I could have ever done. It was worse than peeing my pants trying to get to the bus in kindergarten and telling my friend who found me in the hall that it was really runny puke. It was more foolish than me thinking that as a 12 year old, I could successfully run away to California. It was more foolish than me sitting on the arm of a couch for over an hour in the middle of the night playing Red Light, Green Light with a spider that I was trying to trap. It was more foolish than me trying to make everyone my friend in high school by trying to hurt everyone. And those are some very foolish things.
It is much too long and personal a story to share online, Readers. I will spare you that. But I will say that I have spent the last ten months of my life learning how to love. But really - how to really love until the person that you love becomes a part of your view of family. I suppose I have felt this way with friends before. But there is something incredibly beautiful about learning the heart of someone so truly that you can't help but feel that you have always known them. Always known them. Like before-the-creation-of-time "always." And I think, Readers, no - I know that I did some stuff to screw it up. I lost God and myself and him. I just didn't realize it until now. It is really quite an interesting feeling when you finally discover that the relationship that you have been trying to run from is really the one that you would love to spend the rest of your life building.
And the funny part is, I have spent the last ten months of my life trying to avoid talking like that. Because the future is scary. Like really, genuinely, heart-stoppingly scary.
The even funnier part is that I let myself be scared when the God of the universe was really at my side the entire time. So while the past month or so has been one of the hardest of my life - it also hasn't been. As hackneyed as it may sound, God has truly been using me in the past month - to help me and to help others - maybe even to help him. I suppose that is something I might never know.
I laugh because we agreed to stay friends when what we really needed to do was agree to help each other, whatever that may mean. And honestly, Readers, I really feel inadequate to do that. I feel so inadequate because I need so much help to. How do I do this? How do I manage the close of the relationship that I never wanted to end (but knew that it had to, at least temporarily) and not come undone when every small thing anywhere reminds me of him?
I am not sure. If you have an answer, please, let me know. For right now, one step at a time.
Also, today I rediscovered that I love blogging. I love writing down what is in my heart and my head and my soul so that I can go back later and marvel at the things that God has taught me... because, believe me, I forget.
So, stay tuned, Readers. I am sure that I will check in soon.
4.26.2011
4.22.2011
Superiority Complex vs The Love of Christ
Call me crazy, but all these years I have thought that Christ's love and message started with loving the people around you. That doesn't just mean the people next door, or down the street, or at achool and work, or even in your state- it means everywhere. It means the person who cuts you off after a long day of work, it means the grumpy cashier that you try to avoid every time you are at the grocery store, and it most definitely means the people in this world that you never lay eyes on.
Not even as Christians, but as morally compassed human beings, we should know that superioristic attitudes are naive and judgmental and have the potential to cause some serious damage.
So you can imagine my surprise when, after purchasing an Easter Lily from the grocery store today, my grandmother picked up a handout that was functioning as not-so-subtle nationalist propaganda. The message was not simple "pro-America" (which, with proper insight isn't necessarily a bad thing), but also "anti-Japan." Seriously, America? Is this how we celebrate the resurrection of the son of God? We put out pamphlets braggin about the superior quality of American Easter Lillies of Japanese Easter Lillies and then trash their economy because we are "the greatest country in the world"?
And it is when I see things like this, in big cities or small towns, that make me embarassed to call myself a Christian - not because I am ashamed of my God or my beliefs but because I am somtimes ashamed of the people who may follow my God but don't love like my God.
This is not to say that I am always or even most of the time the best example of what it means to be the ultimate lover in Christ - but it baffles me how anybody of any cultural and religious background can read something like that and have the reaction of "Oh, cool, that sounds like something I should want to believe."
One of the biggest reasons why this upset me so much is that upon reading something that seemed so blatantly insensitive and ignorant, I realized that whoever wrote this didn't see the harm they were doing - and I have those moments, too. I have those moments when I call someone a name I shouldn't. I have those moments when I think less of someone because they disagree with me and I refuse to see that I could be WRONG. We all do. I have those moments when I read something offensive and instinctively judge those who wrote and read - and ,maybe the thing I need to realize is that the people that can be close-minded need as much as love as those they try so hard to exclude.
When Christ walked through Jericho, he called to a man named Zaccheus who was up in a tree. He wanted to visit Zaccheus' house. Zaccheus was hated by many people because he was a tax collector but despite the fact that many people who followed and loved Christ hated this man, Jesus extended grace and love towards this man. We are called to love the Zaccheus' of this world - and this can include other Christians. Sometimes, we are Zaccheus - doing what we have to in order to survive, doing something we don't necessarily see as wrong, and still seeking God. Never deny the possibility of love for you or for someone else.
I am Zaccheus.
You are Zaccheus.
We are called to love every Zaccheus - every single person on this planet.
The only one with any power to judge our actions is God, and, thank goodness, none of us are God.
Not even as Christians, but as morally compassed human beings, we should know that superioristic attitudes are naive and judgmental and have the potential to cause some serious damage.
So you can imagine my surprise when, after purchasing an Easter Lily from the grocery store today, my grandmother picked up a handout that was functioning as not-so-subtle nationalist propaganda. The message was not simple "pro-America" (which, with proper insight isn't necessarily a bad thing), but also "anti-Japan." Seriously, America? Is this how we celebrate the resurrection of the son of God? We put out pamphlets braggin about the superior quality of American Easter Lillies of Japanese Easter Lillies and then trash their economy because we are "the greatest country in the world"?
And it is when I see things like this, in big cities or small towns, that make me embarassed to call myself a Christian - not because I am ashamed of my God or my beliefs but because I am somtimes ashamed of the people who may follow my God but don't love like my God.
This is not to say that I am always or even most of the time the best example of what it means to be the ultimate lover in Christ - but it baffles me how anybody of any cultural and religious background can read something like that and have the reaction of "Oh, cool, that sounds like something I should want to believe."
One of the biggest reasons why this upset me so much is that upon reading something that seemed so blatantly insensitive and ignorant, I realized that whoever wrote this didn't see the harm they were doing - and I have those moments, too. I have those moments when I call someone a name I shouldn't. I have those moments when I think less of someone because they disagree with me and I refuse to see that I could be WRONG. We all do. I have those moments when I read something offensive and instinctively judge those who wrote and read - and ,maybe the thing I need to realize is that the people that can be close-minded need as much as love as those they try so hard to exclude.
When Christ walked through Jericho, he called to a man named Zaccheus who was up in a tree. He wanted to visit Zaccheus' house. Zaccheus was hated by many people because he was a tax collector but despite the fact that many people who followed and loved Christ hated this man, Jesus extended grace and love towards this man. We are called to love the Zaccheus' of this world - and this can include other Christians. Sometimes, we are Zaccheus - doing what we have to in order to survive, doing something we don't necessarily see as wrong, and still seeking God. Never deny the possibility of love for you or for someone else.
I am Zaccheus.
You are Zaccheus.
We are called to love every Zaccheus - every single person on this planet.
The only one with any power to judge our actions is God, and, thank goodness, none of us are God.
4.13.2011
My Brain Could Melt
Circles.
Flat, raised, streched, smushed, blurry, tall circles.
So many circles, my brain could melt.
And if I turned off, and let you affect me, and let my brain melt out in front of you,
Would you mop me up?
Would you leave me to dry on the floor and be walked on
until being visible is nearly impossible?
Or would you maybe chance to look into the pool and see you the way I do?
See you -
All glorious and beautiful and lonely and lost and drowning
And standing on top of the world with the biggest smile
and the most broken heart...
See all of you?
But all that matters to you, and to me, and to them are these damn circles.
So many circles, I can hardly count.
Twisted, empty, senseless, shallow, easy, comforting, sickening circles.
So many circles, my brain could melt.
Flat, raised, streched, smushed, blurry, tall circles.
So many circles, my brain could melt.
And if I turned off, and let you affect me, and let my brain melt out in front of you,
Would you mop me up?
Would you leave me to dry on the floor and be walked on
until being visible is nearly impossible?
Or would you maybe chance to look into the pool and see you the way I do?
See you -
All glorious and beautiful and lonely and lost and drowning
And standing on top of the world with the biggest smile
and the most broken heart...
See all of you?
But all that matters to you, and to me, and to them are these damn circles.
So many circles, I can hardly count.
Twisted, empty, senseless, shallow, easy, comforting, sickening circles.
So many circles, my brain could melt.
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