Growing a Rainforest

Sometimes I think that the number of tears I have cried since the end of summer must have been enough to water many, many large plants. Almost enough to have grown my own rainforest.

What a strange analogy, you might think. But, not really. You see, growing a rainforest takes years and lots of hydration and is one of the most complex ecosystems in the world. It contains many beautiful, rare, and God created things. The things that have all happened in the past few months have taken time. A girl I knew from college committed suicide. It takes time to get to that point and I know because I have been there. All of a sudden suicide is everywhere - and it took years for those people too.  And then there are murders and manslaughters and OD's and crashes. They all had clocks running too. And it took time, not just for them personally, but for all those involved, physically or not. It took time for all our hearts to get to where they were the moment we heard. It took time for God and Satan to plan their moves.

It takes lots of hydration, which comes aplenty with seasons like these; seasons of both an overwhelming need and desire for God's goodness. I can't tell you how many tears I have poured out over the past few months and I am not even close to being among those who should be most affected by the loss of these amazing children. Not only are the tears important for they come out of a place of love, but they also contain nutrients. We think mostly of tears being salt. But the fact that it bears salt and water, among other things I am sure (not a scientist for a reason), is enough to speak to the role of nutrients in our walk with God. Rainforests are complex ecosystems with thousands and millions of components, water and salt included. I don't think it is even kind of a coincidence that our tears contain the ability to nourish other life. It is so incredibly poetic. And metaphorically, our emotional range and existence is just as complex as a rainforest.

As a result, our emotional lives, our rainforests, hold some of our most beautiful and rare moments with God. And they are so vital to being a part of who we are that these moments gain independent life. This life is what supports our ability to have faith, to recall God, to draw near to God, and to remember Him when we don't want to. Every time something bad has happened in the past few weeks, God has done something great. It doesn't mean that Satan stops trying but the memories of God's goodness holds power over my memories of darkness.

So right now, through all of it, the pain, suffering, quiet or loud, shared or alone, I can recognize that God is helping me grow my own rainforest; it will be my own spot with God, shaped, molded, and informed, by my relationship with God.

God, help me to remember the beauty of the rainforest and not the darkness that comes to scare me.