My apologies,readers (if there are any of you). It has been quite sometime since my last post but senior year came bombarding in and that was the end of my freedom.
At this point, senior year is becoming a blur. All I do is go through the motions and question my sanity a little each day but mostly, it's like the entire world is on fast forward. Mostly, I drift. In and out of sleep, day dreams, mindless homework completing, and a constant subconscious ponderance of where I belong in this crazy, messed up world.
But you know, that's what makes life so beautiful - the dysfunction of it all. In some strange way, it's like looking through a broken kaleidoscope. We are never sure, even when the kaleidoscope's working, what we are supposed to be experiencing. Then you toss in emotion, power, money, stress, confusion and everything becomes that more detailed - that more intricate. But it is so breathtaking. The complicated explanations, emotions, exultations - life's puzzles - are simply awe inspiring. It is when we embrace the chaos or solve the puzzle that we truly begin to live.
The only thing, in all of this mess, that makes life worth living, is love. Whether it is love of money, family, friends, God, music, people - whatever it is, something drives us. Everyday we live for something. Some of us live for the laughter of our friends, the chirp of a bird, the glimmer of the stars at night, or the smile of someone who has opened their eyes. It is so different for all of us. I have spent days feeling alone and lost and desperate...until I remember that I am only alone if I choose to be. We can't expect everybody to give love if we never give in turn.
To state it simply and leave no doubt - I love God. Period. I love that He was willing to die for me, even before I was born. Even before I lost the perfect innocence that children have, long before that, He knew that I would be born, would love and lose, and ultimately fail Him. But He still died. He knew it was coming and He could have run - but He didn't. He chose to stay so that the rest of us had the choice to know God. It wasn't even a guarantee that we would get to, or even make us want to, but that we might have the choice to know Him. Without my faith, I would not be here today, sitting at my computer, writing this lesson I have learned for no one in particular. I love Him, like He loves me - unconditionally.
We love whole-heartedly, selfishly, selflessly, endlessly, and immeasurably. We give our hearts to some people who either, cherish it, hope it goes away, or don't even realize that a gift has been laid at their feet. Now, this is not to dissuade anyone from loving or falling in love. Love is amazing, it's comfy, it's comforting, it's heart-warming. It is the goofy grin that you wear when life couldn't be any better but it is also the frown that you wear when you think the pain can't get any worse. In the words of Morrie Schwartz, "Love always wins." We show love in tears, laughter, small smiles made at turned backs or closed doors, dancing when nobody is watching, singing while strolling down the sidewalk. We show love in listening, in holding a hand, in catching tears, passing a Kleenex, holding a shoulder, or giving a giant bear hug. Love has so many faces - faces that have been lost in the crowds of city streets of today's buy-up, sell-out philosophy.
I am still not entirely sure that I know where I belong in this world - but I do know what my job is. My job is to live every day more self-lessly than the last. It is to be the love for others that Christ is for me. It is to clap and cry, laugh and love, hurt and heal with those around me. The biggest desire for most people is to leave a legacy in this world - to leave a mark of remembrance so that when we are gone we are not forgotten. I challenge you today to let love be your legacy.
Let love be your guiding light. Let it shine inside you and lead others. Let it save you when you are hurt and humble you when you are proud. Let love be your stronghold and your kryptonite. But most of all - let love be your hope.
Playlist: I Celebrate the Day - Relient K, Love Song - Sky, Everything You Want - Vertical Herizon, The Time Has Come - Hillsong United, The Riddle - Five for Fighting, Forever - Chris Brown, Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion, All I Want To Do - Sugarland, Bent - Matchbox 20, The Right Kind of Wrong -LeAnne Rimes, Somewhere Only We Know - Keane, Pictures of You - The Last Goodnight, Whatever It Takes - Lifehouse, No Reins - Rascal Flatts, I'll Be - Edwin McCain
12.02.2008
6.23.2008
To Whom It May Concern: Summer's Here!!!
That's right, my loyal readers (if there are any of you left), summer is indeed officially in the big KY. Alas, it has been another long month in which I have little time to update and I do apologize profusely for that. Since I left you last chaos has ensued in the forms of finals, projects, ending junior year, work, prom, and two weeks in Japan!
Crazy Suburbia,
Hick State, USA
Never in my life have I spent two more amazing weeks making new friends, enjoying myself, loving me for me, and being surrounded by people who truly, whole heartedly believe that peace is not lost in this chaotic world. For those two weeks I felt more centered and balanced than I ever knew was possible. Until I travel again, I am not sure that I will know truly what happened to me over there but one of two things did for sure: I fell in love with that country or I fell in love with seeing the world.
To each and every one of you out there who thinks I have lost my mind, please pay attention: There is more to life than this little box surrounding us; more than our rooms full of our memories, more than our houses, than our communities filled with self-indulgent priorities, our country which is way too in love with itself. Don't get me wrong - somethings are truly and wholeheartedly American that I would never care to lose (like the feeling of going to a baseball game in the middle of summer and having the drunk guy in front of you fall on his face cheering for his team or walking down a city street knowing that with enough dedication to your work an entire country could know your name). But something hits you square in the face when you first set foot in another country - one where you don't see tourists every day and one where the people refuse to give up fighting for things the rest of the world has already deemed a lost cause - there is something that hits about their generosity, open hearts, and smiling faces that makes you feel like you have finally found where you belong. Which is completely ironic in every sense considering you are on the opposite side of the world from everything you know. To tell you all the truth, I have never felt safer in my life, even walking my dog around my neighborhood, then I did walking down the streets of Tokyo with maybe three or four people that I had known all of three days. And driving throught the countryside, air not clouded with smog or pollution, getting off a plane and not having the smell of fast food an arteries clogging be the first thing to invade your senses - it's so beyond a beautiful feeling. I miss it already.
But summer is here, and there are parties to be planned, movies to be seen, laziness to be enjoyed, and colleges to look at *rolls eyes*. So I will leave you with a playlist for my time in Japan and will hopefully update sooner this time. Thanks for reading!
Playlist: Wonderful Journey - Anastasia Soundtrack, Slide - Goo Goo Dolls, A Whole New World - Aladdin Soundtrack, Dare You to Move - Switchfoot, Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows, Somewhere Only We Know - Keane, Broken Bridges - Lindsey Haun and Toby Keith, Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse, Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, Live Like You Were Dyin' - Tim McGraw, Moonlight Sonata - Ludwig von Beethoven, Calling You - Blue October, Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down, My Immortal - Evanescence, 100 Years - Five for Fighting, The Gods Love Nubia - Heather Headly, Move Along -All-American Rejects, Ridiculous - Bowling For Soup, Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis, Touch My Body - Mariah Carey, Sexy Can I - Ray J featuring Yung Berg, Apologize - Timbaland featuring One Republic, Cotton Eyed Joe - Rednex, Photograph - Nickelback
Kyle, Bas, Rene, Erin, and Amanda at Basil's Goodbye Party
Rene and I
Natalie, Josh, Mandy, and Kristin at Junior Prom =)
Amanda, Rene, and I last day of junior year
Sarah and Basil - last day of junior year
Josh, LeAnna, and I in front of Hard Rock Tokyo
Kira, Megumi, Mayumi, Ayaka's friend, Me, and Ayaka (our host sister) after our party
Crazy, right?
I am finally readjusting to Kentucky time, in the hopes of no longer being nocturnal, haha. But one thing is for sure: said trip to the other side of the world - it changed my life. It is almost impossible for me to even begin describing how *contemplates word choice*... relieving it felt to be somewhere other than:Crazy Suburbia,
Hick State, USA
Never in my life have I spent two more amazing weeks making new friends, enjoying myself, loving me for me, and being surrounded by people who truly, whole heartedly believe that peace is not lost in this chaotic world. For those two weeks I felt more centered and balanced than I ever knew was possible. Until I travel again, I am not sure that I will know truly what happened to me over there but one of two things did for sure: I fell in love with that country or I fell in love with seeing the world.
To each and every one of you out there who thinks I have lost my mind, please pay attention: There is more to life than this little box surrounding us; more than our rooms full of our memories, more than our houses, than our communities filled with self-indulgent priorities, our country which is way too in love with itself. Don't get me wrong - somethings are truly and wholeheartedly American that I would never care to lose (like the feeling of going to a baseball game in the middle of summer and having the drunk guy in front of you fall on his face cheering for his team or walking down a city street knowing that with enough dedication to your work an entire country could know your name). But something hits you square in the face when you first set foot in another country - one where you don't see tourists every day and one where the people refuse to give up fighting for things the rest of the world has already deemed a lost cause - there is something that hits about their generosity, open hearts, and smiling faces that makes you feel like you have finally found where you belong. Which is completely ironic in every sense considering you are on the opposite side of the world from everything you know. To tell you all the truth, I have never felt safer in my life, even walking my dog around my neighborhood, then I did walking down the streets of Tokyo with maybe three or four people that I had known all of three days. And driving throught the countryside, air not clouded with smog or pollution, getting off a plane and not having the smell of fast food an arteries clogging be the first thing to invade your senses - it's so beyond a beautiful feeling. I miss it already.
But summer is here, and there are parties to be planned, movies to be seen, laziness to be enjoyed, and colleges to look at *rolls eyes*. So I will leave you with a playlist for my time in Japan and will hopefully update sooner this time. Thanks for reading!
Playlist: Wonderful Journey - Anastasia Soundtrack, Slide - Goo Goo Dolls, A Whole New World - Aladdin Soundtrack, Dare You to Move - Switchfoot, Big Yellow Taxi - Counting Crows, Somewhere Only We Know - Keane, Broken Bridges - Lindsey Haun and Toby Keith, Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse, Falling Slowly - Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, Live Like You Were Dyin' - Tim McGraw, Moonlight Sonata - Ludwig von Beethoven, Calling You - Blue October, Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down, My Immortal - Evanescence, 100 Years - Five for Fighting, The Gods Love Nubia - Heather Headly, Move Along -All-American Rejects, Ridiculous - Bowling For Soup, Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis, Touch My Body - Mariah Carey, Sexy Can I - Ray J featuring Yung Berg, Apologize - Timbaland featuring One Republic, Cotton Eyed Joe - Rednex, Photograph - Nickelback
5.19.2008
Way Too Long
So, it has been officially WAY too long since I have updated my blog. Over a month! Yikes! Well I am here now =). The past month with a few exceptions, although far from the best month of my life, was a very telling one. I have spent most of my time (non computer time) talking to God - a lot. I have become more focused and centered on the right priorities more than I have been in a very long time.
SO what has happened this month... hmmm... Well the band banquet and speech lockin were both great fun. Although I have indeed decided that hide-and-seek (in complete darkness) is a game to indeed be played at one's own risk. Nonetheless, it is great fun (minus stinky silly string). I have also been cleared to drive again by my neurologist.
In all honesty though, I have spent most of the past month in prayer. I have begun to notice such simple things about life that I believe I have truly missed up to this point. Yesterday I spent the majority of the day at the Mardi Gras in May fundraiser having fun with my ffriends. There was no drama, no gossip, no anger or tension. It was one of the most beautiful days I can remember. I had forgotten what it was like to simply relax and enjoy the company of those around me and I now found that I indeed quite miss it. After most everyone had left I simply stood by one of the small trees and felt the breeze blow my skirt and lift my hair and felt the sun shining down in a truly gentle manner. I watched the grass roll in waves across the fields and I just remembered how truly beautiful life and simplicity are. I watched the children climb and run and felt the nostalgia flood back as I remembered the days where the biggest problems in life were getting light-up tennis shoes or making sure your favorite crayon never broke.
God created all these things and all these moments to hold and cherish and remember so that when hard times come, not all hope is lost. I can hardly explain to most of you the joy that I know having a personal relationship with God. I probably sound a bit like a Bible-thumper at the moment but trust me, that's not what I am going for. I find comfort in knowing that God loves me - not just because I am Christian, or because He sent His son to die for me but because - simply - I am who I am. I will make mistakes, trivial and colossal, I will lose my hope, light and all desire for existence at some points. But He still wants me. He wants to know me, love me and be accepted by me. He wants to be first in my life and I think that is finnaly where I have put Him. I am impatient, annoying, at times self-centered, and spoiled but all of that disappears when I am humbled by being in His presence.
Lately my heart has been going in an odd direction. I thought I had myself all figured out, but the more I pray, the more I learn about God's plan for me. My heart is being pulled and although i would like to resist where it is being led, I find I can't. This boy, he captivates my attention and makes me lose my thoughts. The timing is certainly not the best for this kind of thing, but if God wants it, then I suppose all will work out.
I certainly hope that this week all of you readers take the time to simply stop and enjoy the simple things in life. Smell a flower, wander through the woods, watch the clouds, or simply lie in a field. Nature can tell us so much more than one would think. Listen to Him, He wants to speak to you - don't be afraid to open up even for the first time.
Also: I love Billy Joel and a good song for the week is his version of The Longest Time
SO what has happened this month... hmmm... Well the band banquet and speech lockin were both great fun. Although I have indeed decided that hide-and-seek (in complete darkness) is a game to indeed be played at one's own risk. Nonetheless, it is great fun (minus stinky silly string). I have also been cleared to drive again by my neurologist.
In all honesty though, I have spent most of the past month in prayer. I have begun to notice such simple things about life that I believe I have truly missed up to this point. Yesterday I spent the majority of the day at the Mardi Gras in May fundraiser having fun with my ffriends. There was no drama, no gossip, no anger or tension. It was one of the most beautiful days I can remember. I had forgotten what it was like to simply relax and enjoy the company of those around me and I now found that I indeed quite miss it. After most everyone had left I simply stood by one of the small trees and felt the breeze blow my skirt and lift my hair and felt the sun shining down in a truly gentle manner. I watched the grass roll in waves across the fields and I just remembered how truly beautiful life and simplicity are. I watched the children climb and run and felt the nostalgia flood back as I remembered the days where the biggest problems in life were getting light-up tennis shoes or making sure your favorite crayon never broke.
God created all these things and all these moments to hold and cherish and remember so that when hard times come, not all hope is lost. I can hardly explain to most of you the joy that I know having a personal relationship with God. I probably sound a bit like a Bible-thumper at the moment but trust me, that's not what I am going for. I find comfort in knowing that God loves me - not just because I am Christian, or because He sent His son to die for me but because - simply - I am who I am. I will make mistakes, trivial and colossal, I will lose my hope, light and all desire for existence at some points. But He still wants me. He wants to know me, love me and be accepted by me. He wants to be first in my life and I think that is finnaly where I have put Him. I am impatient, annoying, at times self-centered, and spoiled but all of that disappears when I am humbled by being in His presence.
Lately my heart has been going in an odd direction. I thought I had myself all figured out, but the more I pray, the more I learn about God's plan for me. My heart is being pulled and although i would like to resist where it is being led, I find I can't. This boy, he captivates my attention and makes me lose my thoughts. The timing is certainly not the best for this kind of thing, but if God wants it, then I suppose all will work out.
I certainly hope that this week all of you readers take the time to simply stop and enjoy the simple things in life. Smell a flower, wander through the woods, watch the clouds, or simply lie in a field. Nature can tell us so much more than one would think. Listen to Him, He wants to speak to you - don't be afraid to open up even for the first time.
Also: I love Billy Joel and a good song for the week is his version of The Longest Time
4.17.2008
Time for Tears and Change
So, spring break is over and school is back. This week at school has flown and CATS testing has started. Although I have been continusously warned that junior is the worst I will have to disagree. This year has brought plenty of pain, change, tears, smiles, and laughter but surely not everyone has these same personal issues their junior year?
Lately has been a time of ups and downs. Plenty of it probably has to do with hormones and all that loveliness but I am not sure some of it has. Almost two years ago now I made a committment to God that changed my life forever. I rededicated myself to living life for Him, by Him, and of Him. My newfound faith was a time of many tears and much excitement. I felt baggage being lifted off my back and knew a joy that could only come from accepting Christ and knowing he loved and died for me, personally. With momentum and drive still high the next year passed with amazing ambitions arising in me of which I had previously been unaware. I wanted to get involved in international missions ministries or possibly work with a childrens ministry. In this time of calling, I joined with Compassion International, a Christian aid organization which pairs with poverty stricken countries around the world to provide sponsors for growing Christian communities. When I was looking through the children that were looking to be sponsored I came across a picture of a beuatiful four year old girl named Gladness. I have now been sponsoring Gladness for over a year and although our correspondance is little, I find tonight, that she has taught me so many lessons and humbled me before Christ.
In her letters Gladness often dictates how she is doing in her studies and the games she enjoys and what she is learning in Sunday School. But everytime, without fail, this five year old will greet me without fail in the name of the Lord, pray for my family and our wellbeing, and ask that I in turn pray for her. Tonight and this past week I come torealize that I have lost my ambition and drive to do the Lord's bidding that I once had. Selfish thoughts often frequent my mind, thoughts and fears of being alone in this world and having no one in which to confide. And as I sat down to write this entry, planned to be my heart's cry for attention and love, I realize that I no longer need those things because I have had them all along. Gladness, an innocent and loving five year old who lives in Tanzania, loves me. I realize that God loves me and he has never stopped. This realization of my selfishness has humbled me.
This week, possibly more than any other in my life, I miss my Granny - my Granny who accepted anyone and everyone into her home, who showed God's grace and mercy to those who needed it but were too afraid to ask, the one who with a true heart but levelheaded mind was waunt to look at those she loved and in the most discrete manner show them that they are indeed the lucky ones. No one will ever see her, know her, or learn from her the way I did and she was, and still is, the most amazing person in this world to me. If I could say anything to anyone at this moment, truly lookinto your eyes with all of my heart and say one thing for the rest of forever it would be this:
Take one day of you life, and live it for those around you. Go an entire day without worrying, fearing, hurting at all and live solely for the benefit of loving and teaching and acceoting those around you. Let God come into your heart and unlock His mission for you. Love with grace, kindness, boldness, and without regret. Tell every person you care about that you love them and never go to bed angry with someone you love - especially God. There are so many things that are more important in this world than high school drama (which will carry on forever), who likes who, who said what, what they meant, how they judge you, and how you look. God's light shining in a person is the most beautiful thing on this Earth.
My Savior, My God by Aaron Shust
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed,
what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior
I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
Chorus (2x's) My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be
Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
Chorus (2x's)
(Instrumental)
Chorus: (2x's)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
Lately has been a time of ups and downs. Plenty of it probably has to do with hormones and all that loveliness but I am not sure some of it has. Almost two years ago now I made a committment to God that changed my life forever. I rededicated myself to living life for Him, by Him, and of Him. My newfound faith was a time of many tears and much excitement. I felt baggage being lifted off my back and knew a joy that could only come from accepting Christ and knowing he loved and died for me, personally. With momentum and drive still high the next year passed with amazing ambitions arising in me of which I had previously been unaware. I wanted to get involved in international missions ministries or possibly work with a childrens ministry. In this time of calling, I joined with Compassion International, a Christian aid organization which pairs with poverty stricken countries around the world to provide sponsors for growing Christian communities. When I was looking through the children that were looking to be sponsored I came across a picture of a beuatiful four year old girl named Gladness. I have now been sponsoring Gladness for over a year and although our correspondance is little, I find tonight, that she has taught me so many lessons and humbled me before Christ.
In her letters Gladness often dictates how she is doing in her studies and the games she enjoys and what she is learning in Sunday School. But everytime, without fail, this five year old will greet me without fail in the name of the Lord, pray for my family and our wellbeing, and ask that I in turn pray for her. Tonight and this past week I come torealize that I have lost my ambition and drive to do the Lord's bidding that I once had. Selfish thoughts often frequent my mind, thoughts and fears of being alone in this world and having no one in which to confide. And as I sat down to write this entry, planned to be my heart's cry for attention and love, I realize that I no longer need those things because I have had them all along. Gladness, an innocent and loving five year old who lives in Tanzania, loves me. I realize that God loves me and he has never stopped. This realization of my selfishness has humbled me.
This week, possibly more than any other in my life, I miss my Granny - my Granny who accepted anyone and everyone into her home, who showed God's grace and mercy to those who needed it but were too afraid to ask, the one who with a true heart but levelheaded mind was waunt to look at those she loved and in the most discrete manner show them that they are indeed the lucky ones. No one will ever see her, know her, or learn from her the way I did and she was, and still is, the most amazing person in this world to me. If I could say anything to anyone at this moment, truly lookinto your eyes with all of my heart and say one thing for the rest of forever it would be this:
Take one day of you life, and live it for those around you. Go an entire day without worrying, fearing, hurting at all and live solely for the benefit of loving and teaching and acceoting those around you. Let God come into your heart and unlock His mission for you. Love with grace, kindness, boldness, and without regret. Tell every person you care about that you love them and never go to bed angry with someone you love - especially God. There are so many things that are more important in this world than high school drama (which will carry on forever), who likes who, who said what, what they meant, how they judge you, and how you look. God's light shining in a person is the most beautiful thing on this Earth.
My Savior, My God by Aaron Shust
I am not skilled to understand
What God has willed,
what God has planned
I only know at His right hand
Stands one who is my Savior
I take Him at His word and deed
Christ died to save me; this I read
And in my heart I find a need
Of Him to be my savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
Chorus (2x's) My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior's always there for me
My God: He was, my God; He is
My God is always gonna be
Yes, living, dying, let me bring
My strength, my solace from this spring;
That He who lives to be my King
Once died to be my Savior
That He would leave His place on high
And come for sinful man to die
You count it strange, so once did I
Before I knew my Savior
Chorus (2x's)
(Instrumental)
Chorus: (2x's)
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
My Savior loves, My Savior lives
4.09.2008
Spring Break
Alas dear readers, it is spring break - the joyous, well deserved break from the month of march and its continuous school (providing there are no snow days). Yes, well, it has been an interesting spring break. Not too terribly much has happened. The rest of last week slid out in a bit of a blur (moving at the speed of molasses... cold molasses). Friday most of the gang was gone save Josh, amy, and myself. We played cards and hug tag, quite the interesting game. I got a lot closer to many freshman than I ever would have if by will. At one point there was a three way Megan sandwich as I was rushed by Josh, Ian, and Charlie at once...I don't remember who won.
Saturday brought work and a girls night in with Amy-doll (you are in my prayers, honey). We went to Gattiland where I scared the small children and became addicted to Storm Stopper. Amy and I combined tickets so that we could get some freaking awesome prizes. The squishy things we got remained our entertainment for the rest of the time. We watched lots of Eddie Izzard (Wayne in The Riches, Mr.Kite in Across the Universe), John Pinette, and even played some WoW.
Sunday was also quite the eventful day. I went to work and me and Miss Amy worked the entire day. Just us. One stylist and one receptionist. Woo hoo! I am pretty sure we should get Employees of the Month. And FYI people, plese never lose your patience at a salon, especially with a receptionist. I promise you we try our best we really do and giving us nasty looks and bad attitudes doesn't help AT ALL. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Monday, I was at my dad's in the morning where I was bit by the devil dog (Lou) and now have a wicked looking dog bite on my right hand.
Tuesday we took Bear Bear to the vet (poor baby). He got lots of shots but he's feeling better. We also got his electric fence fixed and are retraining him. So far he stays in the backyard as long as we leave his lead tied to his collar but don't tie up the other end.
And today my mm and I drove up to the Edinburgh Outlet Mall. It was not a very successful trip. A few shirts, some ice cream, some salsa ( I <3>
Forgive Me Love:
I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
I opened your door without ringing the bell
I walked down the hall
Into your room
Where I could smell you
And I
Shouldn't be here
Without permission
Shouldn't be here
Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon
I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
Went through your drawers and I found your cologne
Went down to the den
Found your CD's
And I played your Johnny
And I
Shouldn't stay long
You might be home soon
I Shouldn't stay long
Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon
I burned your incense
I ran a bath
I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said hello love
I love you so love
Meet me at midnight
And no
It wasn't my writing
I better go soon
It wasn't my writing
So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
So forgive me love
For the salt in your bed
So forgive me love
If I cry all afternoon
Saturday brought work and a girls night in with Amy-doll (you are in my prayers, honey). We went to Gattiland where I scared the small children and became addicted to Storm Stopper. Amy and I combined tickets so that we could get some freaking awesome prizes. The squishy things we got remained our entertainment for the rest of the time. We watched lots of Eddie Izzard (Wayne in The Riches, Mr.Kite in Across the Universe), John Pinette, and even played some WoW.
Sunday was also quite the eventful day. I went to work and me and Miss Amy worked the entire day. Just us. One stylist and one receptionist. Woo hoo! I am pretty sure we should get Employees of the Month. And FYI people, plese never lose your patience at a salon, especially with a receptionist. I promise you we try our best we really do and giving us nasty looks and bad attitudes doesn't help AT ALL. Just thought I'd throw that out there.
Monday, I was at my dad's in the morning where I was bit by the devil dog (Lou) and now have a wicked looking dog bite on my right hand.
Tuesday we took Bear Bear to the vet (poor baby). He got lots of shots but he's feeling better. We also got his electric fence fixed and are retraining him. So far he stays in the backyard as long as we leave his lead tied to his collar but don't tie up the other end.
And today my mm and I drove up to the Edinburgh Outlet Mall. It was not a very successful trip. A few shirts, some ice cream, some salsa ( I <3>
Forgive Me Love:
I went to your house
Walked up the stairs
I opened your door without ringing the bell
I walked down the hall
Into your room
Where I could smell you
And I
Shouldn't be here
Without permission
Shouldn't be here
Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon
I took off my clothes
Put on your robe
Went through your drawers and I found your cologne
Went down to the den
Found your CD's
And I played your Johnny
And I
Shouldn't stay long
You might be home soon
I Shouldn't stay long
Would you forgive me love
If I danced in your shower
Would you forgive me love
If I laid in your bed
Would you forgive me love
If I stay all afternoon
I burned your incense
I ran a bath
I noticed a letter that sat on your desk
It said hello love
I love you so love
Meet me at midnight
And no
It wasn't my writing
I better go soon
It wasn't my writing
So forgive me love
If I cry in your shower
So forgive me love
For the salt in your bed
So forgive me love
If I cry all afternoon
4.01.2008
Poisson d'Avril!
Happy April Fool's Day (or Poisson d'Avril in France which means April Fish). In France, you tape paper fish to peoples' backs and yell "Poisson d'Avril" when they figure it out. FUn fact for the day =)
Anyhow, Vacancy in Paradise is over at last. It was fun while it lasted but I think all drama kids can come the the consensus that after working on a play for over five months, one does become slightly tired of the process.
We are the Hotness =)
How '40's pin-up girl of us?
The whole cast and crew on our hole of a stage =D Silly pic time...You see we all officially lost our damn minds by the time it was all said and done.
Anywho, things have been relatively drama free this week (no pun and irony intended). The weather is beautiful. I do find it mildly amusing, however, that seeing as I have stopped responding to email and snail mail where college pamphlets are concerned, that instead of giving up or giving in they are getting more aggressive. For the second time in the past week I have received a call at home from a registrar's office with students calling to ask how I feel about their school and "Do you have any questions?", "Oh, our drama department??? It's fabulous! Nationally recognized - I think." *Sigh* These poor dears. I am not much of a phone junkie I must confess and I do not make for such interesting conversation as can be reasonably understood by one who has not spent their life being brainwashed by The Arts. I must be a terrible bore to talk to with head constantly looking for a cloud high enough to perch itself on.
But, all in all, it has been a calm week. Kristin and I are planning to prom dress shop next week which will probably turn into a very tedious task. I don't have too much else to say at this point in time anymore. Hope you are all having a good week! I am off to start squirming my way through the eight books I picked up at the library today =) (that's what happens when you don't have cable).
Lyrics to Belle from Beauty and the Beast :
Little town
It's a quiet village
Ev'ry day
Like the one before
Little town
Full of little people
Waking up to say:
[Townsfolk:] Bonjour! Bonjour! Bonjour! Bonjour! Bonjour!
[Belle:] There goes the baker with his tray, like always
The same old bread and rolls to sell
Ev'ry morning just the same
Since the morning that we came
To this poor provincial town
[Baker:] Good Morning, Belle!
[Belle:] 'Morning, Monsieur.
[Baker:] Where are you off to?
[Belle:] The bookshop. I just finished the most wonderful story
about a beanstalk and an ogre and a -
[Baker:] That's nice. Marie! The baguettes! Hurry up! )
[Townsfolk:] Look there she goes that girl is strange, no question
Dazed and distracted, can't you tell?
Never part of any crowd
'Cause her head's up on some cloud
No denying she's a funny girl that Belle
[Man I:] Bonjour
[Woman I:] Good day
[Man I:] How is your fam'ly?
[Woman II:] Bonjour
[Man II:] Good day
[Woman II:] How is your wife?
[Woman III:] I need six eggs
[Man III:] That's too expensive
[Belle:] There must be more than this provincial life
[Bookseller:] Ah, Belle.
[Belle:] Good Morning. I've come to return the book I borrowed.
[Bookseller:] Finished already?
[Belle:] Oh, I couldn't put it down. Have you got anything new?
[Bookseller:] Ha Ha! Not since yesterday.
[Belle:] That's all right. I'll borrow . . . . . this one!
[Bookseller:] That one? But you've read it twice!
[Belle:] Well, it's my favorite! Far off places, daring swordfights,
magic spells, a prince in disguise -
[Bookseller:] If you like it all that much, it's yours!
[Belle:] But sir!
[Bookseller:] I insist.
[Belle:] Well, thank you. Thank you very much!
[Townsfolk:] Look there she goes that girl is so peculiar
I wonder if she's feeling well
With a dreamy far-off look
And her nose stuck in a book
What a puzzle to the rest of us is Belle
[Belle:] Oh, isn't this amazing?
It's my fav'rite part because you'll see
Here's where she meets Prince Charming
But she won't discover that it's him 'til chapter three
[Woman:] Now it's no wonder that her name means "beauty"
Her looks have got no parallel
[Shopkeeper:] But behind that fair facade
I'm afraid she's rather odd
Very diff'rent from the rest of us
[Townsfolk:] She's nothing like the rest of us
Yes, diff'rent from the rest of us is Belle
[LeFou:] Wow! You didn't miss a shot, Gaston! You're the greatest
hunter in the whole world!
[Gaston:] I know.
[LeFou:] No beast alive stands a chance against you. Ha ha ha! And
no girl, for that matter.
[Gaston:] It's true, LeFou. And I've got my sights set on that one.
[LeFou:] Hm! The inventor's daughter?
[Gaston:] She's the one - the lucky girl I'm going to marry.
[LeFou:] But she's -
[Gaston:] The most beautiful girl in town.
[LeFou:] I know, but -
[Gaston:] That makes her the best. And don't I deserve the best?
[LeFou:] Well, of course! I mean you do, but -
[Gaston:] Right from the moment when I met her, saw her
I said she's gorgeous and I fell
Here in town there's only she
Who is beautiful as me
So I'm making plans to woo and marry Belle
[Bimbettes:] Look there he goes
Isn't he dreamy?
Monsieur Gaston
Oh he's so cute
Be still my heart
I'm hardly breathing
He's such a tall, dark, strong and handsome brute
[Man I:] Bonjour!
[Gaston:] Pardon
[Man II:] Good day
[Man III:] Mais oui!
[Matron:] You call this bacon?
[Woman I:] What lovely grapes!
[Man IV:] Some cheese
[Woman II:] Ten yards
[Man IV:] one pound
[Gaston:] 'scuse me!
[Cheese merchant:] I'll get the knife
[Gaston:] Please let me through!
[Woman I:] This bread -
[Man V:] Those fish -
[Woman I:] it's stale!
[Man V:] they smell!
[Baker:] Madame's mistaken.
[Belle:] There must be more than this provincial life!
[Gaston:] Just watch, I'm going to make Belle my wife!
[Townsfolk:] Look there she goes a girl who's strange but special
A most peculiar mad'moiselle
It's a pity and a sin
She doesn't quite fit in
'Cause she really is a funny girl
A beauty but a funny girl
She really is a funny girl
That Belle
3.27.2008
Through the Eyes of James Gatz
Everything lately has been floating right past me. I am standing still and the world is rushing around me like that scene in the movies - using high tech imaging equipment, color panels, and green screens. I feel like I have hit a mid-life crisis but if I die at age 34 - a) it's an even number so blech b) I probably will never get the courage to say what I really want to say just about everybody and c) I don't know that I could make an impact that fast - but who knows?
I have spent the past few weeks trying to figure out who I really am and I think it all goes back to the fact that I spend way too much time beating myself for what I'm not and not enough time for loving myself for what I am. I have finally decided that, could you equate who I believe myself to be rightnow to a character - any character at all, at the present I would call myself James Gatz. You know - minus the fact that I am real, not a guy, not in love with one person forever, and don't live in a big ass mansion. Perhaps you are more familiar with the alias Jay Gatsby? I am however, amd perhaps, most importantly an idealist. I want everything to be picture perfect and I know how everything should work. A little bit of my heart breaks everytime the story doesn't turn out the way I have been told it should.
So as of today, I am writing the book. I have made this resolution before as you may very well know, but this time I don't feel dependent on anyone but myself to be happy. It's all up to me and I will only be down if I let people get to me. For now I am happy being single, learning more about myself, and trying to better myself to the best of my abilities.
The other major thing happening right now is that The Gang is practically falling apart. It's being torn by cliques, drama, changes (good and bad), dependencies, and restlessness. I find myself praying sometimes that our group doesn't fall apart - but what if it's for the better? It's a thought that's scarier than Hell...but seriously. Are friendships where neither friend is happy with the way things are really a decent friendship??? I think it's all in God's hands, I really think it is. Change is always hard and almost never fun but I guess but the resistors to change are often the bad guys in history, are they not?
Here are some songs to check out that kinda summarize my life in the past two weeks:
It's Easy - Heather Headly, from Aida
I Know the Truth - Sherie Rene Scott, from Aida
A-Hole - Bowling For Soup
Take Me or Leave Me - from Rent
The Book I Write - Spoon
Holding Out for a Hero - Bonnie Tyler
You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban
You Oughtta Know - Alanis Morrisette
Undignified - David Crowder Band
I have spent the past few weeks trying to figure out who I really am and I think it all goes back to the fact that I spend way too much time beating myself for what I'm not and not enough time for loving myself for what I am. I have finally decided that, could you equate who I believe myself to be rightnow to a character - any character at all, at the present I would call myself James Gatz. You know - minus the fact that I am real, not a guy, not in love with one person forever, and don't live in a big ass mansion. Perhaps you are more familiar with the alias Jay Gatsby? I am however, amd perhaps, most importantly an idealist. I want everything to be picture perfect and I know how everything should work. A little bit of my heart breaks everytime the story doesn't turn out the way I have been told it should.
So as of today, I am writing the book. I have made this resolution before as you may very well know, but this time I don't feel dependent on anyone but myself to be happy. It's all up to me and I will only be down if I let people get to me. For now I am happy being single, learning more about myself, and trying to better myself to the best of my abilities.
The other major thing happening right now is that The Gang is practically falling apart. It's being torn by cliques, drama, changes (good and bad), dependencies, and restlessness. I find myself praying sometimes that our group doesn't fall apart - but what if it's for the better? It's a thought that's scarier than Hell...but seriously. Are friendships where neither friend is happy with the way things are really a decent friendship??? I think it's all in God's hands, I really think it is. Change is always hard and almost never fun but I guess but the resistors to change are often the bad guys in history, are they not?
Here are some songs to check out that kinda summarize my life in the past two weeks:
It's Easy - Heather Headly, from Aida
I Know the Truth - Sherie Rene Scott, from Aida
A-Hole - Bowling For Soup
Take Me or Leave Me - from Rent
The Book I Write - Spoon
Holding Out for a Hero - Bonnie Tyler
You'll Think of Me - Keith Urban
You Oughtta Know - Alanis Morrisette
Undignified - David Crowder Band
3.17.2008
The Day My Heart Broke - Again
I am hurt -and somewhat shocked. No I retract that statement. I am not shocked at all. I have never been the best judge of character and I give away my heart way too easily. AM I the only one in this world who was taught to love whole heartedly? Am I the only one, who albeit fights her trust issues every day, gives away her heart way too early? Do I want to get hurt???
I apologize for this rant. I want to apologize for being in love... but I cannot. I was in love with someone who wasn't there. Or maybe someone who was there and didn't want my help.
Today's lesson: Life throws curveballs and lots of them. But that's no reason to quit the game. Although, right now, there is nothing in the world that I would rather do than quit - or curl up and cry - or get mad at myself (but that never turns out very well). Chin up, right? Keep on walking - with a big, fake, plastic smile on my face. Hold it together for the people around me.
Should I even try anymore? Is there any guy out there at all who will accept me for who I am and quit walking all over me or lying to me??? It's always one or the other. I have always believed that there is that one someone out there for - but maybe I was all wrong. Maybe I was meant to be an old spinster who lives in a croooked house away from all of society and raises cats and whose highlight of the year is handing out candy to all the little kids - little kids that I never had.
Right now I am hadning over the wheel - again. Only God knows how to drive me out of this mess and make me whole again. He's the only one I can trust anymore to take care of me.
If there is anyone out there in the world right now, reading this, who loves someone with their whole heart- don't be shy about it. Scream it from the mountain tops or from the depths of the sea because someday you will find The One and you can't go running scared because once upon a time someone hurt you. Once upon a time you realized you had the power to break someone and did. Open up your hearts for goodness' sake and let someone in. All you are doing is hurting yourself. I pray for everyone out there who has ever been looked down upon for speaking their mind and for those who are to afraid of rejection if they speak theirs. But mostly, my prayers go out to all the people in the world who are afraid to risk their own happiness because they are afraid of love. If you haven't read it before I suggest checking out I Corinthians 13:4-8. This is what love is and accept nothing less nito your life.
To quote Mr.Ray: "Pain heals, glory lasts forever." Think about it. You will forget the pain eventually, but the good times - may you never forget the good times.
I apologize for this rant. I want to apologize for being in love... but I cannot. I was in love with someone who wasn't there. Or maybe someone who was there and didn't want my help.
Today's lesson: Life throws curveballs and lots of them. But that's no reason to quit the game. Although, right now, there is nothing in the world that I would rather do than quit - or curl up and cry - or get mad at myself (but that never turns out very well). Chin up, right? Keep on walking - with a big, fake, plastic smile on my face. Hold it together for the people around me.
Should I even try anymore? Is there any guy out there at all who will accept me for who I am and quit walking all over me or lying to me??? It's always one or the other. I have always believed that there is that one someone out there for - but maybe I was all wrong. Maybe I was meant to be an old spinster who lives in a croooked house away from all of society and raises cats and whose highlight of the year is handing out candy to all the little kids - little kids that I never had.
Right now I am hadning over the wheel - again. Only God knows how to drive me out of this mess and make me whole again. He's the only one I can trust anymore to take care of me.
If there is anyone out there in the world right now, reading this, who loves someone with their whole heart- don't be shy about it. Scream it from the mountain tops or from the depths of the sea because someday you will find The One and you can't go running scared because once upon a time someone hurt you. Once upon a time you realized you had the power to break someone and did. Open up your hearts for goodness' sake and let someone in. All you are doing is hurting yourself. I pray for everyone out there who has ever been looked down upon for speaking their mind and for those who are to afraid of rejection if they speak theirs. But mostly, my prayers go out to all the people in the world who are afraid to risk their own happiness because they are afraid of love. If you haven't read it before I suggest checking out I Corinthians 13:4-8. This is what love is and accept nothing less nito your life.
To quote Mr.Ray: "Pain heals, glory lasts forever." Think about it. You will forget the pain eventually, but the good times - may you never forget the good times.
3.05.2008
All In Arms Reach
When all is said and done,
Will you see that I loved you?
I entreat you -
Take my heart,
Hold it and protect it the rest of your days.
When I try to walk,
Hold it closer to you,
When I yank, yank back,
Let me know that I am yours.
Your hand touches mine and I soar,
Through the clouds,
Which must be what makes love blind.
I reach for your heart,
To show you the joy and contentment I have known,
Soul cleansing and mind boggling -
I see you reject it first,
My heart breaks...
Again, I entreat-
(Listen, understand - at least try...
He saved my life,
Don't make Him save yours for you to believe)
One day this love will have shown itself,
You will see that pressure was not my intention,
Nor fear and arrogance my motivation,
Twas out of my love for you and Him -
You have a choice,
You always will.
Yea or nay,
Cannot shake my love,
Or remove my heart from in your reach;
Should you push me away,
Hope will linger in my heart that one day you will reach out again,
God could not have cut more perfect form,
Than you and I.
Playlist: Over You - Daughtry, Photograph - Nickelback, Hotel California - The Eagles, How You Remind Me - Nickelback, Lips of an Angel - Hinder
Will you see that I loved you?
I entreat you -
Take my heart,
Hold it and protect it the rest of your days.
When I try to walk,
Hold it closer to you,
When I yank, yank back,
Let me know that I am yours.
Your hand touches mine and I soar,
Through the clouds,
Which must be what makes love blind.
I reach for your heart,
To show you the joy and contentment I have known,
Soul cleansing and mind boggling -
I see you reject it first,
My heart breaks...
Again, I entreat-
(Listen, understand - at least try...
He saved my life,
Don't make Him save yours for you to believe)
One day this love will have shown itself,
You will see that pressure was not my intention,
Nor fear and arrogance my motivation,
Twas out of my love for you and Him -
You have a choice,
You always will.
Yea or nay,
Cannot shake my love,
Or remove my heart from in your reach;
Should you push me away,
Hope will linger in my heart that one day you will reach out again,
God could not have cut more perfect form,
Than you and I.
Playlist: Over You - Daughtry, Photograph - Nickelback, Hotel California - The Eagles, How You Remind Me - Nickelback, Lips of an Angel - Hinder
3.03.2008
No Day But Today
I have been thinking a great deal of late about judgement. Why do we judge others? I wonder if it is not simply a defense mechanism, but rather security. If we can see flaws in others, surely we will never flaw in ourselves, right?
Wrong. I feel sometimes almost as if I have been trapped in a bubble where everyone was raised to see others flaws but blind to our own. I hate hypocracy and this whole thing has been driving me up a wall. It is actually quite tragic that the human psyche is able to ignore it's own flaws and weaknesses. Who more should we be criticizing than ourselves? At the same time, the past is the past. Once it is over, it's not really worth worrying about anymore or beating ones self up about. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be easier to be a less complex organism... if I were and amoeba, I would never have to worry about any of these things.
*Sigh* Ah, me. Well, on to brighter and better things =) The HP lock-in was quite brilliant... even if we didn't get to bed until 2 and had to get up at 5. And the moshpitting/kareoke-ing at CFL was quite the excitement. Although, by far, the best part of this weekend - hand's down - was getting to see Michael. He is just about the most stunning person I have ever met. Why God blessed me with someone as amazing as he is, I may never know or understand. He can ALWAYS make me smile, he is intelligent, dedicated, hilarious, loyal, patient, and loving. I wish I had better words quite honestly - indescribable may be the best word. When I am with him I cannot help but think that this must be how God wanted all life to be from the very beginning. For all of you whom choose not love, or pass up the opportunity due to arrogance, I pity you. I think, perhaps, a life without experiencing love may be a creuler fate than death.
Lyrics to I'll Be - Edwin McCain
The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.
[Chorus:]I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You're my survival, you're my living proof.
My love is alive -- not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
[Chorus]
And I've dropped out,
I've burned up,
I've fought my way back from the dead.
I've tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said
[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your...
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
The greatest fan of your life....greatest fan of your life.
Answer 1: Seize the Day
Answer 2: Marion Cotillard for her role in La Vie En Rose
Trivia 1: What Broadway musical includes the motif that is used in the title?
Playlist: When You Say Nothing at All - Alison Krauss, Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye and Diana Ross, Wannabe - Spice Girls, Story of a Girl - 3 Doors Down, Kiss From a Rose - Seal
Wrong. I feel sometimes almost as if I have been trapped in a bubble where everyone was raised to see others flaws but blind to our own. I hate hypocracy and this whole thing has been driving me up a wall. It is actually quite tragic that the human psyche is able to ignore it's own flaws and weaknesses. Who more should we be criticizing than ourselves? At the same time, the past is the past. Once it is over, it's not really worth worrying about anymore or beating ones self up about. Sometimes I wonder if it wouldn't be easier to be a less complex organism... if I were and amoeba, I would never have to worry about any of these things.
*Sigh* Ah, me. Well, on to brighter and better things =) The HP lock-in was quite brilliant... even if we didn't get to bed until 2 and had to get up at 5. And the moshpitting/kareoke-ing at CFL was quite the excitement. Although, by far, the best part of this weekend - hand's down - was getting to see Michael. He is just about the most stunning person I have ever met. Why God blessed me with someone as amazing as he is, I may never know or understand. He can ALWAYS make me smile, he is intelligent, dedicated, hilarious, loyal, patient, and loving. I wish I had better words quite honestly - indescribable may be the best word. When I am with him I cannot help but think that this must be how God wanted all life to be from the very beginning. For all of you whom choose not love, or pass up the opportunity due to arrogance, I pity you. I think, perhaps, a life without experiencing love may be a creuler fate than death.
Lyrics to I'll Be - Edwin McCain
The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath.
And emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth.
Tell me that we belong together,
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above.
[Chorus:]I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
And rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed.
You're my survival, you're my living proof.
My love is alive -- not dead.
Tell me that we belong together.
Dress it up with the trappings of love.
I'll be captivated,
I'll hang from your lips,
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
[Chorus]
And I've dropped out,
I've burned up,
I've fought my way back from the dead.
I've tuned in, turned on, remembered the things that you said
[Chorus:]
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your...
I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.
The greatest fan of your life....greatest fan of your life.
Answer 1: Seize the Day
Answer 2: Marion Cotillard for her role in La Vie En Rose
Trivia 1: What Broadway musical includes the motif that is used in the title?
Playlist: When You Say Nothing at All - Alison Krauss, Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye and Diana Ross, Wannabe - Spice Girls, Story of a Girl - 3 Doors Down, Kiss From a Rose - Seal
2.25.2008
Carpe Diem
Mayhaps I over think things. Mayhaps I don't like letting go. Mayhaps all this is because, not at all that I have been honestly hurt - but because I want to write my life. I want to be a character so that I know how to act. Unlike a play however, I cannot read the ending - I shall never know whether I live happily ever after, die in a tragedy, or be one of the lifeless narrators who fades silently into the background. I have often told Neville that we are meant not to know because it makes life exciting. And just suddenly, I have come to realize how big of a hypocrite I really am... and for the first time, I don't want to beat myself up for not being perfect.
I am who I am. And that's okay. It's okay that even though I think I could have the talent, I'm not tall enough to be a supermodel. It's perfectly fine to be 5'2" and not be 30-24-26. I have curves and I embrace them. I don't have flawless skin but it's the mask I wear and a metaphor for who I am. I have a spotted past but I carry myself with elegance - or I am going to. I love the media, Hollywood, and Broadway but from here on out I will not let them dictate how I feel or should feel about who I am. I am a drama queen, but at least I keep things from being boring. I am sensitive, but it's better than not feeling at all. I afraid to be hurt, but that makes those who have all the power in the world to break me and choose not to all the more precious to me. Maybe, I am, in fact, not a bad person at all.
I want to stop bad mouthing myself - so for any of you who hear me do it - please do me the favor of smacking me. If I ask why, please don't tell me. I need to learn for myself. I am my own person. I don't need anyone to cling to, to constantly assure that I am better than I make myself out to be (now this is not to say I won't still need hugs every once in a while). I am resolved to make myself a better person than the one I have been. And the fact that I have not been a great person or friend or girlfriend - that's okay now because I realize that I need to change.
I owe credit for this change and epiphany to several people/things: Amy Campbell (my sister and best friend, who has never doubted me for a second, has helped me trhough the worst times of my life), Neville (my best friend and frequent heart-to-heart buddy), Michael (my boyfriend who has desparately tried to show me that he cares and that life can be better if I choose it to be - I think I get it now) and to In Another Country - by Ernest Hemingway. If you have not read it I highly recommend it - it is a brief story but very concise. Thank you to everybody for helping me to come to my senses and pushing me to the point of prayer - where I should have been all along. This revelation has only strengthened my faith.. Hopefully, one day I will be given the opportunity to spread this faith and grace to those whom have never known it.
I am itching to write again - hopefullly, I will be able to think of something soon. When I do, I will be sure to post it. I also apologize for the lack of postings this past week. Chaos broke loose but I do believe things will be better from here on out.
Answer 1: Alanis Morissette
Answer 2: Fidel Castro
Trivia 1: What does the title of this entry mean?
Trivia 2: Which actress won Best Actress in a Leading Role at the 80th Academy Awards last night?
Playlist: Writer's Block - Brian Reitzell and Britt Daniel, Falling Slowly - from Once (sung by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova), Calling You - Blue October, My Savior, My God - Aaron Shust, HungryI - Vicki Beeching
I am who I am. And that's okay. It's okay that even though I think I could have the talent, I'm not tall enough to be a supermodel. It's perfectly fine to be 5'2" and not be 30-24-26. I have curves and I embrace them. I don't have flawless skin but it's the mask I wear and a metaphor for who I am. I have a spotted past but I carry myself with elegance - or I am going to. I love the media, Hollywood, and Broadway but from here on out I will not let them dictate how I feel or should feel about who I am. I am a drama queen, but at least I keep things from being boring. I am sensitive, but it's better than not feeling at all. I afraid to be hurt, but that makes those who have all the power in the world to break me and choose not to all the more precious to me. Maybe, I am, in fact, not a bad person at all.
I want to stop bad mouthing myself - so for any of you who hear me do it - please do me the favor of smacking me. If I ask why, please don't tell me. I need to learn for myself. I am my own person. I don't need anyone to cling to, to constantly assure that I am better than I make myself out to be (now this is not to say I won't still need hugs every once in a while). I am resolved to make myself a better person than the one I have been. And the fact that I have not been a great person or friend or girlfriend - that's okay now because I realize that I need to change.
I owe credit for this change and epiphany to several people/things: Amy Campbell (my sister and best friend, who has never doubted me for a second, has helped me trhough the worst times of my life), Neville (my best friend and frequent heart-to-heart buddy), Michael (my boyfriend who has desparately tried to show me that he cares and that life can be better if I choose it to be - I think I get it now) and to In Another Country - by Ernest Hemingway. If you have not read it I highly recommend it - it is a brief story but very concise. Thank you to everybody for helping me to come to my senses and pushing me to the point of prayer - where I should have been all along. This revelation has only strengthened my faith.. Hopefully, one day I will be given the opportunity to spread this faith and grace to those whom have never known it.
I am itching to write again - hopefullly, I will be able to think of something soon. When I do, I will be sure to post it. I also apologize for the lack of postings this past week. Chaos broke loose but I do believe things will be better from here on out.
Answer 1: Alanis Morissette
Answer 2: Fidel Castro
Trivia 1: What does the title of this entry mean?
Trivia 2: Which actress won Best Actress in a Leading Role at the 80th Academy Awards last night?
Playlist: Writer's Block - Brian Reitzell and Britt Daniel, Falling Slowly - from Once (sung by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova), Calling You - Blue October, My Savior, My God - Aaron Shust, HungryI - Vicki Beeching
2.19.2008
All I Really Want
It's been a busy week, so forgive me for the extreme lack of energy that will be put into this blog =/ I promise better ones once this crazy hell of a week is finished...
SO MUCH DRAMA!
This week may, as has been statistically proven, may indeed be the end of my existence. It is only day two of six and I am nearing the edge of a mental break down. I am sure YAGMCB will turn out fine...eventually. However, until I can start hitting the right notes, the stress level builds infintely. Also, my intensely moody drama teacher almost pushed me over the edge yesterday with her behavior towards a woman who recently lost her daughter. It was uncalled for and a very selfish act a mon avis (in my mind). Where do people get the idea that as soon as they are given some power and responsibility they get to trample over any and everyone who disturbs their idea of a perfect plan??? I honestly do not understand how one could be so selfish (especially a teacher - a teacher who teaches two subjects where understanding character's/people's backgrounds is of foremost importance) as to ignore the rest of the worlds problems at work at only towards their own comfort. It baffles me. I think some praying is in order on this one.
Boring Bits
I may lose my mind this week. Luckily, school has almost nothing contributing to my work load THANK GOSH! I otherwise would have for sure keeled over by now. And that's about it for now.
Straight to Et Cetera
Once again I apologize for my lack of complexity and length in this entry but my energy level is nearing -759. I got the most awesome tshirt from my mom today that she got for me in Arizona that says
"01-20-09
Bush's Las Day
The End of an Error"
It may be the best shirt ever. Quite honestly. Anywho, I really superly need to get an intermediate liscense like, now. Although gas has gone up $30 *flinch*. In all honesty though, I really wouldn't care - as long as I have some way to take myself to see Michael. It seems like the five people who really understand me I either can't get a hold of or just barely have the energy to maintain a conversation with them. It is uber pathetic and it makes me sad. This week is going to take a lot of prayer to survive - that's for sure. I may as well quit while I'm ahead. *sigh* Good night...
Answer: Semisonic
Trivia 1: Artist name who sings song of entry title.
Trivia 2: What famous world leader, after ruling for 49 years, announced his/her retirement today?
Playlist: Closing Time - Semisonic, Shut Up and Smile - Bowling for Soup, Not Me -from Aida, Bottles and Bones - Califone, My Mathematical Mind - Spoon
SO MUCH DRAMA!
This week may, as has been statistically proven, may indeed be the end of my existence. It is only day two of six and I am nearing the edge of a mental break down. I am sure YAGMCB will turn out fine...eventually. However, until I can start hitting the right notes, the stress level builds infintely. Also, my intensely moody drama teacher almost pushed me over the edge yesterday with her behavior towards a woman who recently lost her daughter. It was uncalled for and a very selfish act a mon avis (in my mind). Where do people get the idea that as soon as they are given some power and responsibility they get to trample over any and everyone who disturbs their idea of a perfect plan??? I honestly do not understand how one could be so selfish (especially a teacher - a teacher who teaches two subjects where understanding character's/people's backgrounds is of foremost importance) as to ignore the rest of the worlds problems at work at only towards their own comfort. It baffles me. I think some praying is in order on this one.
Boring Bits
I may lose my mind this week. Luckily, school has almost nothing contributing to my work load THANK GOSH! I otherwise would have for sure keeled over by now. And that's about it for now.
Straight to Et Cetera
Once again I apologize for my lack of complexity and length in this entry but my energy level is nearing -759. I got the most awesome tshirt from my mom today that she got for me in Arizona that says
"01-20-09
Bush's Las Day
The End of an Error"
It may be the best shirt ever. Quite honestly. Anywho, I really superly need to get an intermediate liscense like, now. Although gas has gone up $30 *flinch*. In all honesty though, I really wouldn't care - as long as I have some way to take myself to see Michael. It seems like the five people who really understand me I either can't get a hold of or just barely have the energy to maintain a conversation with them. It is uber pathetic and it makes me sad. This week is going to take a lot of prayer to survive - that's for sure. I may as well quit while I'm ahead. *sigh* Good night...
Answer: Semisonic
Trivia 1: Artist name who sings song of entry title.
Trivia 2: What famous world leader, after ruling for 49 years, announced his/her retirement today?
Playlist: Closing Time - Semisonic, Shut Up and Smile - Bowling for Soup, Not Me -from Aida, Bottles and Bones - Califone, My Mathematical Mind - Spoon
2.17.2008
Closing Time
For my brain at least! Closing time is actually five o'clock p.m. Easter Standard Time. Explanation later. The End. Just kidding! No - I mean explanation later - that's not the end. Listen to what I mean, not what I say! That has actually become the most hackneyed phrase in my vocabulary this past week...so sad.
Curtains Rising
It is indeed the final week before You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I am going to die on Friday, I just know it! Actually, no - no, I won't. I just need to go over my lines again and again and again. In all honesty, I am EXTREMELY excited. We have practice every day this week, which is going to make my social life HELL. But it will be worth it. The only thing I am truly worried about is remembering my lines for Vacancy in Paradise by Thursday and Friday *makes Home Alone face*. Not too hard to be a ditzy blonde though. All in all, it should be just fine.
The Boring Bits of Life
The boring bits since Friday has included work... and more work. Yesterday was pretty good - slightly swamped but, all in all, an okay day. Actually, it was one of the Saturdays in a long time that I have enjoyed working. Also, Aimee (fifth, if you are counting) helped me pick out a new hair color that is absolutely fantabulous! I don't look constantly sick and jaundiced anymore...yay! In the Death Match: P v The Shop... Actually, there was no Death Match. P has stopped being constantly bitchy to everyone. We all agree that this may in fact be a direct result of her surrender of the Co-Manager title. Interesting... Anyhow, today life as a receptionist was pretty much freaking crap. I hate being the scapegoat of the salon. I get all the gossip from everyone about everyone else (not prominent today) but I also get all of the bad customer attitudes to deal with. I am sorry, people. We close at five on Sunday. We have ALWAYS closed at five on Sunday. And shockingly enough, we don't take hair cuts when our wait time is longer than the time we have left to stay open. And, should at 5:05 you decide you want a haircut, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! Please don't walk in when the OPEN sign is off, the hours are posted on the front door, and we are vacuuming/coming to loch the door before you get there and then HAVE AN ATTITUDE BECAUSE YOU LACK THE INTELLIGENCE TO RESPECT THE FACT THAT WE HAVE LIVES, TOO! And I am done on this discussion.
The Gang
The Gang has been pretty good so far as I am aware. My speechies/thespians got back from the ITS conference Saturday but I have yet to hear how it went *nudge nudge*. I would like to thank Neville for his PSA announcement that was so incredibly informative and useful... much appreciated - seriously. And yeah... Thats about it for today I guess...
Absolutely Not Normal Chaos
Mom is in Arizona as of Saturday morning so I have been switching houses this weekend back and forth based on who can/can't take me to/pick me up from work. My stepsisters were gone for the weekend so Dad, Amy, and I just kinda chilled. I tried to dye my hair by myself... That was interesting to say the least. A Corgi, me with rubber gloves, extremely pungent hair dye, plus an enclosed area can actually become pretty comical. Amy ended up rescuing me from the depths of Hair Dying Chaotic Hell (thank gosh). Me trying to rinse my hair was also slightly disastrous. I got water all over the bathroom and when Amy came to the rescue for the second ime, Lou (Dad's dog) tried to join my hair in the tub...very odd dog, he is. Anyhow, all this was going on just as I had finished cooking my supper (great planning on my part, right? not so much). And I proceeded to finish out my night watching Chicken Little by myself on the couch, while amazed at how dark my hair was. Tonight after I got off work, Dad, Amy, the girls, and Amy's mom and I went to eat at Indigo Joe's. It's amazing. Period. It's pretty much BW3's on crack and it's awesome.
Et Cetera
I totally realized jsut today how I must have subconsciously started blogging on odd numbered days. This artiophobia may be slowly killing me. The leap year will throw me off so I will indeed blog two days in a row (two! *hiss*). Anyhow my Dad started sing Loch Lomond to me earlier and it is now stuck in my head so I may as well include some of the lyrics. It is also a beautiful instrumental (my freshman year, our band played a gorgeous arrangement of it for our Prism Concert - Note: the instrumental link is not my band):
By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes,
Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond
Where me and my true love were ever wont to gae,
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond.
Chorus
O ye’ll tak’ the high road and I’ll tak’ the low road,
And I’ll be in Scotland afore ye.
But me and my true love will never meet again,
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond.
‘Twas there that we parted in yon shady glen,
On the steep, steep side o’ Ben Lomond.
Where in deep purple hue, the hieland hills we view,
And the moon comin’ out in the gloamin’.
The wee birdies sing and the wild flowers spring,
And in sunshine the waters are sleeping:
But the broken heart, it kens nae second spring again,
Tho’ the waefu’ may cease from their greeting.
SUCH a beautiful song... it almost brings me to tears.
Last Answer: Kudos to Michael for coming up with the right answer... Louis Armstrong (and he does it best)
Trivia Question: I am sure you are starting to see a pattern... Band name for entry title =)
Playlist: Curtain's Up - Written by Starshine, Right Through You - Alanis Morissette, All That Jazz - from CHICAGO, One Little Slip - Barenaked Ladies, Loch Lomond
Curtains Rising
It is indeed the final week before You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I am going to die on Friday, I just know it! Actually, no - no, I won't. I just need to go over my lines again and again and again. In all honesty, I am EXTREMELY excited. We have practice every day this week, which is going to make my social life HELL. But it will be worth it. The only thing I am truly worried about is remembering my lines for Vacancy in Paradise by Thursday and Friday *makes Home Alone face*. Not too hard to be a ditzy blonde though. All in all, it should be just fine.
The Boring Bits of Life
The boring bits since Friday has included work... and more work. Yesterday was pretty good - slightly swamped but, all in all, an okay day. Actually, it was one of the Saturdays in a long time that I have enjoyed working. Also, Aimee (fifth, if you are counting) helped me pick out a new hair color that is absolutely fantabulous! I don't look constantly sick and jaundiced anymore...yay! In the Death Match: P v The Shop... Actually, there was no Death Match. P has stopped being constantly bitchy to everyone. We all agree that this may in fact be a direct result of her surrender of the Co-Manager title. Interesting... Anyhow, today life as a receptionist was pretty much freaking crap. I hate being the scapegoat of the salon. I get all the gossip from everyone about everyone else (not prominent today) but I also get all of the bad customer attitudes to deal with. I am sorry, people. We close at five on Sunday. We have ALWAYS closed at five on Sunday. And shockingly enough, we don't take hair cuts when our wait time is longer than the time we have left to stay open. And, should at 5:05 you decide you want a haircut, GO SOMEWHERE ELSE! Please don't walk in when the OPEN sign is off, the hours are posted on the front door, and we are vacuuming/coming to loch the door before you get there and then HAVE AN ATTITUDE BECAUSE YOU LACK THE INTELLIGENCE TO RESPECT THE FACT THAT WE HAVE LIVES, TOO! And I am done on this discussion.
The Gang
The Gang has been pretty good so far as I am aware. My speechies/thespians got back from the ITS conference Saturday but I have yet to hear how it went *nudge nudge*. I would like to thank Neville for his PSA announcement that was so incredibly informative and useful... much appreciated - seriously. And yeah... Thats about it for today I guess...
Absolutely Not Normal Chaos
Mom is in Arizona as of Saturday morning so I have been switching houses this weekend back and forth based on who can/can't take me to/pick me up from work. My stepsisters were gone for the weekend so Dad, Amy, and I just kinda chilled. I tried to dye my hair by myself... That was interesting to say the least. A Corgi, me with rubber gloves, extremely pungent hair dye, plus an enclosed area can actually become pretty comical. Amy ended up rescuing me from the depths of Hair Dying Chaotic Hell (thank gosh). Me trying to rinse my hair was also slightly disastrous. I got water all over the bathroom and when Amy came to the rescue for the second ime, Lou (Dad's dog) tried to join my hair in the tub...very odd dog, he is. Anyhow, all this was going on just as I had finished cooking my supper (great planning on my part, right? not so much). And I proceeded to finish out my night watching Chicken Little by myself on the couch, while amazed at how dark my hair was. Tonight after I got off work, Dad, Amy, the girls, and Amy's mom and I went to eat at Indigo Joe's. It's amazing. Period. It's pretty much BW3's on crack and it's awesome.
Et Cetera
I totally realized jsut today how I must have subconsciously started blogging on odd numbered days. This artiophobia may be slowly killing me. The leap year will throw me off so I will indeed blog two days in a row (two! *hiss*). Anyhow my Dad started sing Loch Lomond to me earlier and it is now stuck in my head so I may as well include some of the lyrics. It is also a beautiful instrumental (my freshman year, our band played a gorgeous arrangement of it for our Prism Concert - Note: the instrumental link is not my band):
By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes,
Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond
Where me and my true love were ever wont to gae,
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond.
Chorus
O ye’ll tak’ the high road and I’ll tak’ the low road,
And I’ll be in Scotland afore ye.
But me and my true love will never meet again,
On the bonnie, bonnie banks o’ Loch Lomond.
‘Twas there that we parted in yon shady glen,
On the steep, steep side o’ Ben Lomond.
Where in deep purple hue, the hieland hills we view,
And the moon comin’ out in the gloamin’.
The wee birdies sing and the wild flowers spring,
And in sunshine the waters are sleeping:
But the broken heart, it kens nae second spring again,
Tho’ the waefu’ may cease from their greeting.
SUCH a beautiful song... it almost brings me to tears.
Last Answer: Kudos to Michael for coming up with the right answer... Louis Armstrong (and he does it best)
Trivia Question: I am sure you are starting to see a pattern... Band name for entry title =)
Playlist: Curtain's Up - Written by Starshine, Right Through You - Alanis Morissette, All That Jazz - from CHICAGO, One Little Slip - Barenaked Ladies, Loch Lomond
2.15.2008
What a Wonderful World
Sometimes this world is in fact quite wonderful, especially days like yesterday. Valentine's Day a way to market and commercialize hippie philosophies without the world knowing. Quite amazing, if I do say so myself. Yesterday was quite the interesting day, what with love, affection, peace, and pot induced happiness floating around the school (not on my part, though).
And The Show Continues Still...
Yesterday was Valentine's Day and it was quite amazing. During lunch, us speechies handed out candy-grams and carnations and it was a blast to watch surprise and ecstasy rise amongst our fellow students. Today I helped bead Amy's Big Mama dress for the ITS (International Thespian Society) Conference this weekend and it looked absolutely stunning on her. Unfortunately my closest drama friends were there today, and as I ahve to work this weekend, I was here. =( BUt as my final talk of drama -drama for the rest of the day check out these two interesting pics from practice: Bus Ride and Bus Ride 2
The Boring Bits of Life
Yesterday was quite an amazing day at school full of candy, and cupcakes, and euphoria. AP Government was full of hilarious and random discussions some of which i was to quote on Facebook. Whoopsies! Today was much more relaxed. I definitely failed my Statistics quiz by not studying, played ERS (nonviolently) and Spoons (or Marker Caps, in this case) in English. This was followed by a horrendous AP GOPO (Gov't and Politics) quiz which I DID pass, slept through drama (for our teacher was not there), and goofed off in French while learning about misplaced clauses, etc., etc.,. Work shall be interesting this weekend for the tension between Co-Manager P is building.. Death Match: P v. The Shop. We shall see who gets their way.
The Gang
The Gang has been fine, save a few Valentine's Day blues. I love everybody though, so no one can be sad! This years Valentine's Day was by far the best I have ever had. Everything yesterday made me smile. Michael and I cooked rice (or attempted to), had sparkling white grape juice, and watched Benny and Joon. Plus he got my flowers, chocolate, and a smell teddy bear. What more could a girl ask for? All in all it was quite an amazing night. =)
Absolutely Not Normal Chaos
The fam, for the most part, has been fine. Butt Munch is being a bit of a jerk though. Whilst writing this post, I overheard him yelling that everything was "pussy" over the Xbox Live. Needless to say it angered me, although i am not quite sure he completely understands what "pussy" means. Anywho, I asked him to stop because I found it very offensive and it wasn't very friendly language and his oh-so-intelligent response was "We know we're joking. Why do you have such a stick up your butt?" Which makes me wonder, all in all, if he will ever find a level-headed girlfriend when he is so derogatory and mysogenistic... maybe one of these days he will listen to the advice I am giving him. Who knows?
Et Cetera
Hmmm... what to write, what to write. My poor Bear was crying earlier (see pic below for Bear) wanting to come inside, but mostly because he wanted attention.. I can't hardly standing listening to him bark because I feel as though I am neglecting him but, alas, there is no feasible solution (other than me spoiling him... tragic). I am praying for all the victims and families touched by the NIU shootings and encourage others to do so. It is indeed a tragedy, were in a country we believe to be civilized, that civilians feel the only way to get their point across is by taking others live's. We criticize the terrorists and religous extremists and launch billion dollar programs to fix the rest of the world while our own people are being demoralized, mistreated, injured, killed, and scorned. *Shakes head* It is indeed a tragedy that we would turn our heads on our borthers and sisters instead of helping them. Also, to anyone in an area that was recently hit by large storms this past week, I encourage you to try to help adopt pets that were left home- and owner-less. With foreclosure rates going up around the country, more and more animal shelters are being overrun with animals that are left behind when families move. Please get a pet or encourage others to get their pets from rescue societies and gives these animals loving homes where they are not one in 500 dogs that barely gets any attention on any given day. Small steps + Many people = Lots of change!
Last Entry's Answer: John Greenleaf Whittier
Trivia Question: What singer did the first rendition of the song that shares a title with this entry?
Playlist: All My Loving - The Beatles, When You're Good to Mama - from Chicago, Eye of the Tiger - Survivor, 500 Miles - The Proclaimers, I'm an Asshole - Denis Leary
And The Show Continues Still...
Yesterday was Valentine's Day and it was quite amazing. During lunch, us speechies handed out candy-grams and carnations and it was a blast to watch surprise and ecstasy rise amongst our fellow students. Today I helped bead Amy's Big Mama dress for the ITS (International Thespian Society) Conference this weekend and it looked absolutely stunning on her. Unfortunately my closest drama friends were there today, and as I ahve to work this weekend, I was here. =( BUt as my final talk of drama -drama for the rest of the day check out these two interesting pics from practice: Bus Ride and Bus Ride 2
The Boring Bits of Life
Yesterday was quite an amazing day at school full of candy, and cupcakes, and euphoria. AP Government was full of hilarious and random discussions some of which i was to quote on Facebook. Whoopsies! Today was much more relaxed. I definitely failed my Statistics quiz by not studying, played ERS (nonviolently) and Spoons (or Marker Caps, in this case) in English. This was followed by a horrendous AP GOPO (Gov't and Politics) quiz which I DID pass, slept through drama (for our teacher was not there), and goofed off in French while learning about misplaced clauses, etc., etc.,. Work shall be interesting this weekend for the tension between Co-Manager P is building.. Death Match: P v. The Shop. We shall see who gets their way.
The Gang
The Gang has been fine, save a few Valentine's Day blues. I love everybody though, so no one can be sad! This years Valentine's Day was by far the best I have ever had. Everything yesterday made me smile. Michael and I cooked rice (or attempted to), had sparkling white grape juice, and watched Benny and Joon. Plus he got my flowers, chocolate, and a smell teddy bear. What more could a girl ask for? All in all it was quite an amazing night. =)
Absolutely Not Normal Chaos
The fam, for the most part, has been fine. Butt Munch is being a bit of a jerk though. Whilst writing this post, I overheard him yelling that everything was "pussy" over the Xbox Live. Needless to say it angered me, although i am not quite sure he completely understands what "pussy" means. Anywho, I asked him to stop because I found it very offensive and it wasn't very friendly language and his oh-so-intelligent response was "We know we're joking. Why do you have such a stick up your butt?" Which makes me wonder, all in all, if he will ever find a level-headed girlfriend when he is so derogatory and mysogenistic... maybe one of these days he will listen to the advice I am giving him. Who knows?
Et Cetera
Hmmm... what to write, what to write. My poor Bear was crying earlier (see pic below for Bear) wanting to come inside, but mostly because he wanted attention.. I can't hardly standing listening to him bark because I feel as though I am neglecting him but, alas, there is no feasible solution (other than me spoiling him... tragic). I am praying for all the victims and families touched by the NIU shootings and encourage others to do so. It is indeed a tragedy, were in a country we believe to be civilized, that civilians feel the only way to get their point across is by taking others live's. We criticize the terrorists and religous extremists and launch billion dollar programs to fix the rest of the world while our own people are being demoralized, mistreated, injured, killed, and scorned. *Shakes head* It is indeed a tragedy that we would turn our heads on our borthers and sisters instead of helping them. Also, to anyone in an area that was recently hit by large storms this past week, I encourage you to try to help adopt pets that were left home- and owner-less. With foreclosure rates going up around the country, more and more animal shelters are being overrun with animals that are left behind when families move. Please get a pet or encourage others to get their pets from rescue societies and gives these animals loving homes where they are not one in 500 dogs that barely gets any attention on any given day. Small steps + Many people = Lots of change!
Last Entry's Answer: John Greenleaf Whittier Trivia Question: What singer did the first rendition of the song that shares a title with this entry?
Playlist: All My Loving - The Beatles, When You're Good to Mama - from Chicago, Eye of the Tiger - Survivor, 500 Miles - The Proclaimers, I'm an Asshole - Denis Leary
2.13.2008
Snowbound
'Tis in all actuality, not true. I am not snowbound, nor do I wish to be. However, the blanket of cold, calm snow outside acts as my muse for the day. It's gentle and floating, not caring that once it hits the ground it creates obstacles for every being trying to get around today. It makes me wonder why society today always feels so rushed, when indeed, we should be trying to slow down and look at the finer, more miraculous points of life.
The Show Will Go On...
Yesterday was our third snowday of the year, although the only one thus far with an actual substantial amount of snow. It's beuatiful outside, I must admit. Anyhow school was cancelled, and Charlie Brown practice was not. It was fun though, endless amount of goofing aroud. Amy (fourth Amy) and I, however, are struggling with the task of memorizing the vegetables in MacGregor's garden (*allusion!) 'Tis not an easy task as one might think - for should one not say the right vegetable at the right time, the feet of the song become all mumbo-jumbo'd and awkward as a dancer with two left feet to lead with. Kristin and I will be drilling our duo (Final Placement) very hard the week after Charlie Brown, to ensure that we make it to nationals - which is in Appleton, Wisconsin this year! GO cheeseheads! *points to self, whisper* From Wisconsin if ya couldn't tell...
The Boring Bits of Life
Really, this week, the boring bits have not been so incredibly boring. Of three weekdays thus far, I have had one day of school. And aside from karma kicking me in the ass once or twice, it was a very nice day of school. Although if we have school tomorrow, it may very well seem like longest day ever, as I am awaiting to see my valentine. In contrast to last year, this year's Valentine's Day will NOT be spent on a bus down to Orlando, crying my eyes out for several straight hours, listening to Rufus Wainwright repetitively, and mourning the past. This Valentine's Day will be a good one - I am sure of it. Possibly because I have the best boyfriend a girl could ask for and all really need to be happy is just to see him. And thus the boring bits, are not so increidbly boring.
The Gang
The Gang, so far as I am currently aware of, is doing fine. At the present moment, I am holding an unannounced casting call for dates for some of my friends. NO, I WILL NOT SAY FOR WHOM! So intersted guys, please leave a comment. Neville and I (Tonks), had a "discussion" the other night that has really opened my eyes to much of what I have refused to acknowledge for years - that indeed people can be happy of their own accord and most, in fact, are not like me. I am always out to find someone to fall head over heels for, and I can give my heart away at the drop of a hat. Not that it's a bad thing to be a romantic, I just open myself up to be a great bit more vulnerable. And some of my friends, I have come to understand, don't want to deal with that pain or be responsible for the pain of others. Some don't need to have an "other half" to be happy. And I applaud them for being able to be content with that. So, Valentine's Day is coming up and I have absolutely no clue what to get Michael. What do you get a guy for Valentine's Day??? Hmmm... if you have any thoughts please feel free to contact me, although I am sure to come up with something on my own... eventually.
*Et Cetera
Today I have slipt into a song writing mood. It is a very rare occasion for me, although when the mood strikes it strikes. So far my song is untitled but is written to a punk rock rhythm... which is much harder to write to than I would have expected. So snaps for every successful punk rock, song writing band out there (BFS, that is to you). Here is my first verse and intro to chorus thus far (although it may become my second verse) and I am still tweaking the chorus so it will be posted at a later date.
And you smashed your chair against the wall,
Can’t remember what this happened for,
But it seems to me like maybe we’re fallin’…
You push away from the warmth inside,
I try to hold on but you just cry,
Staring at me…
I’m not sure,
If this was our – best idea yet…
But I hold on – I can’t let go…
Comment if you want. I know I am not the best lyricist, but once again it is a rare form for me. Lately, my phobia of even numbers (artiophobia) has been coming to a head and I am not sure how to let it go. Ah, well, such is the life of a mundane wanderer in this complex world.
* Nothing new for Absolutely Not Normal Chaos
Last Entry's Answer: Anastasia
Trivia: What poet write the idyll that shares a name with this blog entry?
Playlist: Sugar, We're Going Down Swinging - Fall Out Boy, The Book Report - from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown!, Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright, Down For the Count - Bowling For Soup, The Way We Get By - Spoon
2.11.2008
A Wonderful Journey
And so begins the story of the life and times of Starshine - or Megan, as mostly everyone affectionately calls me. Unless you in the number of people who don't call me Megan (Johnson, Chay, Noel, or Starshine - don't ask, long story... actually go ahead and ask).
Let the Drama Begin...
As most of you do, or don't, know I am an actress at heart. Maybe not the best on stage but I am definitely a tad overdramatic at almost all times. Demonstration: Pink pillow as given to me for my birthday by Butt Munch (or Sam as everyone seems to think his name is) that all too honestly states Mood Swings Ahead. Currently I am working of pieces for National and State levels of speech, playing Myrtle (hilarious, I know) in Vacancy in Paradise, and starring as Lucy in the Broadway musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I am looking to possibly major in theatre education in college =) - wherever that is.
The Boring Bits of Life
Boring bits meaning school, chores, and occasionally work (although that 'tis usually a tad dramatic). School is pretty - mediocre (to use a ten dollar word). Our high school is currently under some major, nasty construction and they are planning to have it all finished right after I graduate in '09. Joy. I go to school 5 days a week and work weekends ( or work one day and participate in other day consuming events on the other day). Once again - joy. It's not really all that bad as I love most of the girls I work with at Great Clips (NO, I DO NOT CUT HAIR!) Anyhow two of them in particular are like my big sisters (Miss Amy and Katie... Amy use to be my day care watcher). And she is Miss Amy for a reason, I have quite a few Amy's in my life =).
The Gang
Otherwise known as my bff's, friends forever, etc., etc., I love my friends. Period. There is not much more to it quite honestly. My closest ones I would take a bullet for should the need ever arise. This is where a second Amy comes into play =). I love Amy, she is a doll and beyond what anyone could ever ask for in a friend. And for that matter so are most of my friends. My personal gang consists of Amy, Josh, Kristin, Erica, Audi, Allison (my sister who baptized me*smile*), Julia, Callie, my two Sarah's, and of course Michael - my amazing boyfriend. Not to say I don't love all my friends these are just my closest ones. I am currently going on two months with my amazing boyfriend Michael. He is absolutely one of the most amazing, patient, and fascinating people I have met in my entire life. He continues to amaze me with his thoughtfulness in all the small things he does. I can honestly I have never felt so loved, beautiful, and safe as I do when I am with him.
Absolutely Not Normal Chaos
And this would be my family =). I love my family and are the people I am closest to in the world, besides God;). I live most of the time with my mom ( whom I adore and admire), my brother (Butt Munch - as referenced earlier - I honestly love him to deaht though), Darren (my mom's fiance), and my chow-collie mix Bear ( who is the fluffiest creature alive). Sometimes I stay briefly at my dad's house with his fiancee (the third Amy) and his two daughters. They are the best sisters ever (even if I do have to fall asleep looking at HSM and Hannah Montana posters). My family is about the most amazing thing to me about life and I am beyond loucky to have the relationships that I do with them. They act as my muses and my inspiration when things look grim, even though I don't tell them this nearly enough.
Et Cetera
And that is mostly it, save the small things. I am a bookworm, and band geek (alto sax). Music keeps me alive and I have a passion for classic rock and 80's/90's music. I am a small gamer, having played WoW and DAoC for going on five or six years. I am very religious but not in the traditional sense. I have a close relationship with God but I am not a Bible thumper. I am addicted to Zesty Taco/ Chipotle Ranch Doritos. I love vampires. I try to write but can almost never finish a story. I am also a vegetarian.
Trivia: What movie soundtrack includes the song that I named my first entry after?
And so ends the first of my blog entries. Hope you enjoy!
Playlist: Good Morning, Starshine - from Hair, One Girl Revolution - Superchick, Head Over Feet - Alanis Morrisette, My Wish - Rascal Flatts, Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion ( dedicated to my Granny, I will see you again someday)
Let the Drama Begin...
As most of you do, or don't, know I am an actress at heart. Maybe not the best on stage but I am definitely a tad overdramatic at almost all times. Demonstration: Pink pillow as given to me for my birthday by Butt Munch (or Sam as everyone seems to think his name is) that all too honestly states Mood Swings Ahead. Currently I am working of pieces for National and State levels of speech, playing Myrtle (hilarious, I know) in Vacancy in Paradise, and starring as Lucy in the Broadway musical You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown. I am looking to possibly major in theatre education in college =) - wherever that is.
The Boring Bits of Life
Boring bits meaning school, chores, and occasionally work (although that 'tis usually a tad dramatic). School is pretty - mediocre (to use a ten dollar word). Our high school is currently under some major, nasty construction and they are planning to have it all finished right after I graduate in '09. Joy. I go to school 5 days a week and work weekends ( or work one day and participate in other day consuming events on the other day). Once again - joy. It's not really all that bad as I love most of the girls I work with at Great Clips (NO, I DO NOT CUT HAIR!) Anyhow two of them in particular are like my big sisters (Miss Amy and Katie... Amy use to be my day care watcher). And she is Miss Amy for a reason, I have quite a few Amy's in my life =).
The Gang
Otherwise known as my bff's, friends forever, etc., etc., I love my friends. Period. There is not much more to it quite honestly. My closest ones I would take a bullet for should the need ever arise. This is where a second Amy comes into play =). I love Amy, she is a doll and beyond what anyone could ever ask for in a friend. And for that matter so are most of my friends. My personal gang consists of Amy, Josh, Kristin, Erica, Audi, Allison (my sister who baptized me*smile*), Julia, Callie, my two Sarah's, and of course Michael - my amazing boyfriend. Not to say I don't love all my friends these are just my closest ones. I am currently going on two months with my amazing boyfriend Michael. He is absolutely one of the most amazing, patient, and fascinating people I have met in my entire life. He continues to amaze me with his thoughtfulness in all the small things he does. I can honestly I have never felt so loved, beautiful, and safe as I do when I am with him.
Absolutely Not Normal Chaos
And this would be my family =). I love my family and are the people I am closest to in the world, besides God;). I live most of the time with my mom ( whom I adore and admire), my brother (Butt Munch - as referenced earlier - I honestly love him to deaht though), Darren (my mom's fiance), and my chow-collie mix Bear ( who is the fluffiest creature alive). Sometimes I stay briefly at my dad's house with his fiancee (the third Amy) and his two daughters. They are the best sisters ever (even if I do have to fall asleep looking at HSM and Hannah Montana posters). My family is about the most amazing thing to me about life and I am beyond loucky to have the relationships that I do with them. They act as my muses and my inspiration when things look grim, even though I don't tell them this nearly enough.
Et Cetera
And that is mostly it, save the small things. I am a bookworm, and band geek (alto sax). Music keeps me alive and I have a passion for classic rock and 80's/90's music. I am a small gamer, having played WoW and DAoC for going on five or six years. I am very religious but not in the traditional sense. I have a close relationship with God but I am not a Bible thumper. I am addicted to Zesty Taco/ Chipotle Ranch Doritos. I love vampires. I try to write but can almost never finish a story. I am also a vegetarian.
Trivia: What movie soundtrack includes the song that I named my first entry after?
And so ends the first of my blog entries. Hope you enjoy!
Playlist: Good Morning, Starshine - from Hair, One Girl Revolution - Superchick, Head Over Feet - Alanis Morrisette, My Wish - Rascal Flatts, Because You Loved Me - Celine Dion ( dedicated to my Granny, I will see you again someday)
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